The 25 funniest jokes of the week
The country went to the polls, this week, and the poles – due to May Day. There was political turmoil with a hasty reshuffle after the Defence Secretary’s sacking and a disturbance in the force as we lost the wonderful Peter Mayhew.
We’re very grateful to the 25 people who tweeted these excellent distractions.
1.
I often get asked to direct movies because I have a certain reputation for being smart and responsible. I also often try to pack a suitcase and get distracted spending 15 minutes taking photos of myself in tit hats. pic.twitter.com/66sVeLfrLu
— Taika Waititi (@TaikaWaititi) April 29, 2019
2.
Therapist: Whatever you say will stay inside these 4 walls
Me: A ghost!
Therapist: What?! Why *nervously looks around* why would you do that?!!
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) April 28, 2019
3.
THE RESTROOM REQUIRES A SACRIFICE pic.twitter.com/99zJb1dGvn
— Jasper (@ahptik) April 28, 2019
4.
Can’t wait for that episode of The Crown when they do It’s A Royal Knockout
— Matt Lucas HQ (@RealMattLucas) April 30, 2019
5.
I bought a jumper today and I’ve just noticed what it’s called and it’s so ‘me’ it hurts pic.twitter.com/uK44a9891o
— Ben Cameron (@ben_cameron) April 28, 2019
6.
An ambulance me thinks … pic.twitter.com/wc0vqLn7QS
— Claire J Cheeseman (@cjcheesecake) April 30, 2019
7.
GIRLFRIEND: walkie talkies are the least romantic anniversary gift ever… this relationship is over
ME: this is relationship is what, Sarah? Over.
— Ben (@0point5twins) April 29, 2019
8.
Extremely proud to be the Pfa player of the year trophy pic.twitter.com/DkZ5yDjWpn
— Peter Crouch (@petercrouch) April 29, 2019
9.
Had a sex dream about Jeremy Hunt, so I will be surrendering myself to Thanos later today
— Holly Brockwell (@holly) May 1, 2019
10.
For your washing machine's wedding night, presumably pic.twitter.com/YFpxKegdIf
— Ella (@socallers) April 29, 2019
11.
When you have 2 minutes of free time at work and decide to recreate a scene from The Ring using Lego and a Post-It Note… pic.twitter.com/zDyQJbl4qz
— Nathan Snakehips (@ndmckeown) April 30, 2019
12.
5yo: Curious George is not a monkey
Me: yes he is
5yo: no he isn’t, he doesn’t have a tail, he’s an ape
Me: he definitely has a— *googling pics of Curious George* omg
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) April 28, 2019