People are sharing the silly things they always do that irritate their family and friends and they’re brilliant
20.
I have an involuntary, Pavlovian response to whenever a news item on TV or radio mentions Gordon Brown, which the people around me just LOVE. I blame The Stranglers.
“….Gordon Brown”
Me: “🎶texture like sun…🎶 ”— Jason (@NickMotown) July 16, 2019
21.
Whenever we drive by some roadworks and they have a sign saying (for example) “Delays until April 2020”
I’ll normally comment with something like
“But we’ve got to pick the kids up in a few hours”— Colin Williams (@screenager85) July 15, 2019
22.
Every time we go on holiday, even if it’s to Norfolk, I always check with my wife if the water is ok to drink
— oapeacock (@O_A_Peacock) July 16, 2019
23.
Whenever there’s a news report mentioning the World Health Organisation, my wife will ALWAYS quizzically say ‘Who?’
— Pablo Bones (@pablobones) July 16, 2019
24.
My husband does a lot of dictation for his job, which is then transcribed by a secretary at his firm. Whenever I hear him doing it from home I run up behind him and yell “My Ass!” really loudly. These days I have to tiptoe up though because he knows it’s coming.
— Octavia Lillywhite (@OctLilly) July 16, 2019
25.
I always sing this to the tune of Enya pic.twitter.com/3c0hClC4DW
— Twinkle Toes (@tommo_robbo) July 16, 2019
26.
I will not let someone say the word ‘Surrey’ without quickly telling them there’s no need to apologise.
— rodger nash (@rodgernash) July 16, 2019
27.
Whenever anyone tells me they are just going to ‘jump in the shower’ I exclaim ‘DON’T DO THAT, IT’S DANGEROUS!!’
— Dave O’Carroll (@DaveOCarroll) July 16, 2019
28.
We have friends in France who we visit regularly. I always find a way of making the ‘one egg is un oeuf’ joke, sometimes several times a day
— JimJamScones (@BenJamScones) July 16, 2019
29.
Enter a room and say “someone order an Indian?”
— David Ahluwalia (@dsahluw) July 16, 2019
30.
For years at end of the ads in the cinema, when the logo comes up for ‘Rank Screen Advertising’ I’ve turned to whoever is next to me and said “they weren’t that bad”….
— Tim Hollingsworth (@tphollingsworth) July 16, 2019
31.
When we are watching a film and a character does something stupid, the wife says “”Why did he do that?”. And I ALWAYS reply: “He had to, it’s in the script”.
— Ian O’flaherty (@Sem75) July 15, 2019
32.
I always sing this to the tune of Enya pic.twitter.com/3c0hClC4DW
— Twinkle Toes (@tommo_robbo) July 16, 2019
33.
Whenever we pass a couple of houses we used to live in, or anywhere if we’re far from home, I always say ‘If we lived there, we’d be home by now.’ Never fails to get a grumpy reaction.
— Jack Eldridge (@Jackus75) July 15, 2019
34.
We have friends in France who we visit regularly. I always find a way of making the ‘one egg is un oeuf’ joke, sometimes several times a day
— JimJamScones (@BenJamScones) July 16, 2019
35.
In the supermarket when the cashier says e.g. “That’s 18.62” i always say to my husband “oh. The year you were born”
— Julia (@julia1965) July 16, 2019
36.
Also, I love nothing more than driving a couple of inches forward when Ross goes for the car door handle to get in. This happens approximately 3 times before I actually let him in.
— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) July 15, 2019
37.
Whenever I come across a traffic light and it’s red, while waiting I say all this has changed since the last time I was here, when the kids ask what’s changed I say the lights were green.
— Cotch01 (@Cotch01) July 16, 2019
38.
Whenever my friend and I go anywhere and we have to give our first names, which are the same, I always say ‘No relation’ and it drives her mad. @Tinkerbell_1501
— Cass Hoe (@Hoebomedia) July 16, 2019
39.
Sorry one more. Always incorrectly correct my girlfriend’s perfectly fine usage of less/fewer.
Her: It takes less time than you think to get there.
Me: Fewer time.Still making myself chuckle at that one.
— Dave O’Carroll (@DaveOCarroll) July 16, 2019
40.
genocide
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) July 16, 2019
In the words of the chap who started it …
READ MORE
People are sharing their favourite stupid jokes and these 41 are so stupid – they’re brilliant