A thread explaining why cats would win a war against the Scots is the distraction we all need
With the Tory Party in meltdown as one half tries to become dictator for life and the other half is threatened with expulsion if they try to stop it, we’re definitely living in those interesting times the old saying wished on us. To make matters worse, Michael Gove has uttered the dark comment that we’ll have the food we need after Brexit, before being forced to admit prices are likely to rise.
With that in mind, what we all really need is a break from thinking about real impending defeats in order to focus on imaginary ones, which is exactly what this surreal thread provides. It started with this tweet …
The population of Scotland is around 5.25mil and there are 600mil cats in the world so if every cat decided to invade Scotland each Scot would have to fight off around 114 cats each and I really don’t think they could pull it off
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) August 31, 2019
But sceptics came to pour cold water on the theory, but not on the cats.
Got people in my mentions saying the Scots could do this. Let me just explain why you’re wrong – A Thread
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) September 1, 2019
And this beautiful stream of logic was born.
The numbers above account for all Scots and all house cats in the world. That’s 114 cats per EVERY Scot already. My opinion is that around 30 cats could kill an able bodied human. Takeaway all of the people that don’t really stand a chance against even fewer cats
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) September 1, 2019
People such as the very old, the very young, people in comas and so on. Before you know it the guys able to fight off an above average amount of cats are fighting off 200+ maybe even more
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) September 1, 2019
The cats have done it. They’ve conquered the highlands. Now what?
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) September 1, 2019
Pretty soon, nature would take its course and there’d be more cats.
Now you’ve got 600 million cats from all over the world in close proximity. Cats breed fast. The cat population will surge exponentially. They’ll stay put for a short while. But after a year or two you’re gonna have a population of cats well over 3 billion
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) September 1, 2019
And the invasion would spread.
And they’ve outgrown Scotland. They need to expand. 3 billion cats gives each Brit 50 cats to handle and now you’ve got another war on your hands. The cats abilities to reproduce are much faster than ours. They will kill us faster than we can get new soldiers to fighting age
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) September 1, 2019
The war against the UK would be more prepared than the Scots and this would wage for some time
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) September 1, 2019
The war against the UK would be more prepared than the Scots and this would wage for some time
— Lawrence Ward (@LawrWard) September 1, 2019