Finally – a translation of all those annoying business-speak phrases
All professions have their own glossaries, understood mostly by insiders, but anyone who works in a corporate setting will have heard countless phrases that are less a useful shorthand and more passive-aggressive snark.
Culture writer, Delia Paunescu shared one common expression and invited others to do the same.
i've recently become obsessed with all the insane corporate ways we say normal things to each other.
"I’m a little confused" is by far my favorite – it's absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry.
what are some of your best/most insufferable work gibberish phrases?
— delia paunescu (@delia_p) January 29, 2020
There followed quite the avalanche of business-speak, and it’s the handy list the corporate world doesn’t want you to see.
1.
"i was under the impression that …" which is my professional way of saying that you are not only wrong, but additionally I know you are because I know more than you about this thing https://t.co/hwRqr9dazi
— kylie 🌸 (@kyliesomasis) January 29, 2020
2.
"This should be more of a listening session for you" is the nicest way I've ever been told to shut the hell up. https://t.co/3UkoNzTOdG
— Jackson Lanzing writes weird. (@JacksonLanzing) January 29, 2020
3.
Stealing from somewhere but it’s true: “I hope this helps!”=never ask me for anything ever again
— Lala Escargot, collector of curses 🎉 (@guitarpsichord) January 29, 2020
4.
“I wanted to follow up” – you forgot didn’t you? Didn’t you? Am I a joke to you?!
— Jamie Keller @ #SCGCON (@Jamie7Keller) January 29, 2020
5.
“As previously discussed” = I didn’t put in writing last time because I thought you were an adult.
— Mitch Dinkins (@MitchDinkins) January 29, 2020
6.
“Did you mean to say this here…”
“Can you explain the thought process behind this to me a little bit more” https://t.co/UhbZBzXs16
— Yooty Mom x 3 (@yooty) January 29, 2020
7.
“I’m balancing a lot this week” = “Just a quick reminder that I’m not your employee.”
— David Gibb (@DaveWritesJunk) January 29, 2020
8.
My two are "I've attached another copy to this email for your convenience." (Translation: I know you're going to buy yourself time by claiming you lost the previous file.) and "Thanks in advance." (Translation: No, you don't have a choice.)
— Telaryn (@telaryn) January 29, 2020
