Quarantine quips – our 17 favourites

There have been tentative whisperings that the UK Covid-19 infection rate may be starting to slow, which is positive news if true, but that doesn’t mean people can break the lockdown rules and rush to the beach for the bank holiday weekend.

All the more reason to find something to kill time, like reading these funny tweets.

1.

[Text]
UNKNOWN NUMBER: Hey, you busy?

ME: Nope, still in lockdown. Who’s this?

*Rips off mask*
DUOLINGO OWL: I fucking knew it! Learn Spanish you piece of shit.

— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) April 7, 2020

2.

I’m waiting to run out of bread and milk so I can go out and buy Easter Eggs.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) April 7, 2020

3.

Dominic Raab in charge of UK’s nuclear button pic.twitter.com/iHjFD7USLV

— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) April 7, 2020

4.

CRIMINALS. pic.twitter.com/OwHvGrsjBK

— Hannah O'Hanrahahanrahan (@buntyhoven) April 7, 2020

5.

Pub. I just. I want to go to the pub so much.

— Ian Dunt (@IanDunt) April 7, 2020

6.

I'm God, I'm omniscient, I'm the Creator of the Universe, and even I can't believe this shit.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 6, 2020

7.

Cooped up indoors. Wandering round aimlessly with no sense of purpose. Longing to get back out into the world and do the things we do best.

This must be how Michael Bublé feels every year between January 1st and November 30th.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 6, 2020

8.

I found a ten pound note in my back pocket today. Took me a moment to remember what it was for.

— Shappi Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) April 7, 2020

9.

She was warned. pic.twitter.com/IMYsKz37zg

— Manc Pictures 📸 (@Manc_Pictures) April 4, 2020