There were some brilliant replies to this ‘masculinity champion’s lockdown achievements

11.

ate peanut butter on tortilla chips as a meal

— bletchley punk is masked up (@alicegoldfuss) April 14, 2020

12.

I’ve:
Made a giant matchstick out of tiny models of the Eiffel Tower
Taught a spider to read German
Identified 12 podcasts to definitely not listen to
Eaten my body weight in squirty cream
Watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate
Torn the head off it daily

— Bruce Gorrie (@bsgorrie) April 13, 2020

13.

3 parts Gin
2 parts Gin
Slice o lemon
Tonic (optional)

— E K Johnson (@markjohnson) April 13, 2020

14.

It’s mainly been wanking, I’m not going to lie to you. Many times there was nothing but a puff of dust and a three-legged spider but, you know, the wheels of industry must keep turning

— Jonnie Baker (@MrJonnieB) April 13, 2020

15.

Devised a short, elegant proof to Fermat’s last theorem
Dug a moat
Created a transactionless uberblockchain cryptokiller
Benchpressed a VW campervan
Taught myself to imitate the mating call of the Giant Moa
Wrote my autobiography again
Learnt to levitate several centimeters.

— Toby-B, Now Wash Your Hands (@MajorGrubert) April 13, 2020

16.

Been woken by three kids
Fed three kids
Entertained three kids
Fed three kids
Entertained three kids
Exercised three kids
Fed three kids
Entertained three kids
Bathed three kids
Read to three kids
Drank wine
Repeat

— Heather Peace (@heatherpeace) April 13, 2020

17.

Listened to bird song
Gained weight
Read poetry
Had sex

Do I win?

— Catherine Russell (@catherinerusse2) April 13, 2020

18.

Today’s poem is in response to this kind of nonsense. It’s called ‘Metrics’. https://t.co/jvM8ZRU0KT pic.twitter.com/fr6LxtRxIJ

— Brian Bilston (@brian_bilston) April 14, 2020

19.

Over the past four weeks I’ve

Not taken stuff like this seriously

Exactly the same as for the preceding years of my life. You don’t have to be productive in this way. Your life isn’t a factory, judged solely by the volume of its output.

— Alison K. Brown (@alisonkatebr) April 13, 2020

20.

– Written 100 lists

– Sought constant validation from the public

– Redefined pottering about the house tinkering with things as ‘renovation’

– Claimed I have a body fat percentage that even elite athletes can’t sustain

– Still can’t find my razor tho 🪒

— Brian Whelan (@brianwhelanhack) April 13, 2020

21.

I’ve not yet called anyone a massive bellend, but y’know, give it time.

— Matt Prior (@matty_prior) April 13, 2020

To conclude, this …

I would be able to get a lot more done if I hadn’t cracked a couple of ribs laughing at your absurd tweets. If it’s a parody, hats off – very well done.

— Peter Walker (@peterwalker99) April 13, 2020

And this.

I’ve stayed indoors & not caught Coronavirus. That’ll do for me.

— Jacky 🐱🚲🕷️Rejoiner #stayathome (@alswifejacky) April 13, 2020

Oh go on then, and this!

https://twitter.com/fbpe_jojo77/status/1249864125745946628?s=20

READ MORE

This guy had 12 tips ‘how to be a beautiful woman’ and the takedowns were simply gorgeous

Source @ryanmichler Image YouTube