Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
We’ve gathered twenty-five funny things that are nothing to do with coronavirus, because we all need a little oasis from time to time.
Send us any we’ve missed.
1.
Everyone on this website is always like, "Eat the rich," but then Carol Baskin feeds her millionaire husband to a tiger and it's a problem, hypocrites
— G. L. (@ginadivittorio) April 13, 2020
2.
Me: I love pastry
Person on Twitter: I see that you like pastry and that’s fine but also I wondered if you ever knew that pastry was responsible for a murder in 1977 when someone set a sausage roll on fire which caused a fatality so you’re basically condoning murder here’s a link— Lia Louis (@LisforLia) April 14, 2020
3.
Emmanuel Macron gets ready to scare Fiona Bruce when she turns around. pic.twitter.com/Pchy7l3tUT
— Ira Rainey (@IraRainey) April 13, 2020
4.
Engineer 1: How deep should we make the shelves in this shower wall?
Engineer 2: Barely deep enough to hold the shampoo, but shallow enough for a rogue current of air to send the shelf’s contents plummeting onto a person's toes.
Engineer 1: You read my mind.
— Cesspool (@of_a_genepool) April 15, 2020
5.
hey @McVities when I fork out my hard earned for a packet of chocolate digestives I don’t expect some quarter choc lad who looks like he’s gonna whip out an acoustic for a quick blast of Wonderwall pic.twitter.com/vjcPgVft48
— BRYN_BORANGA (@BRYN_BORANGA) April 16, 2020
6.
— Lewis Capaldi (@LewisCapaldi) April 12, 2020
7.
WARNING. DO NOT EMPLOY THIS WELDER. HAD NO CLUE WHAT HE WAS DOING AND HE’S REALLY FUCKED UP MY STOVE PIPE. pic.twitter.com/0bXpmffcbz
— Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyo_sexwhale) April 11, 2020
8.
I can't afford a Peloton account so I put the back wheel of my bike up on 2 bricks & got my 9yr old son to shout
"PEDDLE FASTER, YOU USELESS CUNT" at me— joe heenan (@joeheenan) April 13, 2020
9.
mood: a cow made a noise in the past
— Hugo Boss (@joelycett) April 13, 2020
10.
I don’t think I can keep up with both whatsapp, and a baby. Which is such a shame because I’m really going to miss my baby.
— Brona C. Titley (@bronactitley) April 13, 2020
11.
Craig David's mum wrote this. pic.twitter.com/udS0DGzp0L
— Geraint (@geraintgriffith) April 16, 2020
12.
Please think of the environment before printing off this tweet and taking it to Cornwall in a big helicopter.
— trouteyes (@trouteyes) April 17, 2020
