Simply 13 funny comments on how everyone’s handling the pandemic

Oonagh Keating. Updated May 11th, 2020

The advice has changed from “stay home” to “stay alert” and more people will be expected to go to work.

Chances are that isn’t great news for most people.

We can’t fix policy, but we can give you something to laugh at, so here are some of Twitter’s funniest takes on how the population and the government are handling the pandemic.

Road Map to Easing Lockdown:

From next week, you may leave your homes as many times as you wish but you must not under any circumstances enjoy yourself.

Haberdashers will be permitted to open.

— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) May 8, 2020

When it starts to loosen up there will be a couple of weeks when folk having affairs can only meet at garden centres; these afternoons will have an alienated, sordid beauty, and on the long drive home, people will tearfully explain their predicaments to huge, unwanted hydrangea

— Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) May 8, 2020

Do locksmiths count as key workers?

— Declan Cashin (@Tweet_Dec) May 7, 2020

I just said, loudly and with authority, “Computer, end pandemic simulation,” but it didn’t work. I thought it was worth a try.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 7, 2020

During the plague we all used to hold hands and dance around and sing Ring A Ring A Roses and it never did us any harm.

— David Quantick (@quantick) May 10, 2020

UK to shout “stop being such a dickhead” at Hitler’s corpse in attempt to prevent World War Two pic.twitter.com/916ek3WDg1

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 9, 2020

three palpably unrelated youths have congregated in the park pic.twitter.com/UuA0i5cHam

— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) May 9, 2020

Farage sunbathing?

Full lockdown now – for Christ's sake! pic.twitter.com/8u318Swz3G

— Otto English (@Otto_English) May 10, 2020

I will continue to adhere to the Skepta Method…. pic.twitter.com/gsMAGcCrZO

— Carl Anka (@Ankaman616) May 10, 2020

10.

My quarantine drinking buddies
#TroubleIn4Words pic.twitter.com/BtmWkoiUsW

— Robyn 🥀🖤 (@rawbeancoal) May 10, 2020

11.

The new lockdown position sounds like a Patricia Highsmith novel: golf, tennis, unlimited sunbathing; and illicit meetings with people from other households in parks.

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) May 10, 2020

12.

Boris Johnson seeks to clarify his latest COVID-19 strategy:

’Look, it's very simple. My first is in "river" and also in "stream" …’

— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) May 10, 2020

13.

We've been very clear: you can meet your mother for golf but not Pictionary. Your father can join in a game of charades but only if he shouts his answers from upstairs

— Michael Deacon (@MichaelPDeacon) May 11, 2020

Image @curlycomedy