Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
13.
Character giving movie protagonist directions: Go to the end of the road, turn left, go under the bridge, you’ll find a blue door. Beside it is a small window. Knock 3 times on the windowpane.
Protagonist: *nodding*
Me: *sweating* why aren’t they writing this down
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) August 3, 2020
14.
I'm a firestarter pic.twitter.com/fnY3TBd2ou
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) August 5, 2020
15.
The coveted serial killer vote. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/xvVcaWv967
— Jodhiay 🐙 (@jodhiay) August 1, 2020
16.
Whenever I see women expertly applying liquid eyeliner on a moving train I imagine they would make rather fabulous bomb disposal experts.
— Miranda Keeling (@MirandaKeeling) August 1, 2020
17.
Was she in a library? pic.twitter.com/x0qswwA0E0
— Hi, it's Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) August 1, 2020
18.
"Got the time buddy?"
Bill Haley: *deep breath in*
— inkedupandsonic (@sonictyrant) August 4, 2020
19.
Have you ever removed fabric covers from furntiture- had them cleaned – then tried to put them back on?
It’s like trying to get into jeans you wore when you were 23— Kate Robbins (@KateRobbins) August 4, 2020
20.
Me: This pizza is really good!
Somebody Who Visited Italy With Their Family For A Week When They Were 14: *sighs* It’s fine…
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) August 4, 2020
21.
Blimey, he's setting off early this year. pic.twitter.com/lMsTPVWEBl
— Mark Grainger | Blossom Tree Copy Agency (@MarkGrainger) August 5, 2020
22.
Hannibal Lecter: I want a window where I can see a tree, or even water
London estate agent: no
— Zoë Tomalin (@ZoeTomalin) August 5, 2020
23.
America: You drive for four hours. You are still in the same part of the country.
UK: You drive for two hours. The local accent has changed twice. Bread rolls have a new name.
— Stefan (@Zin5ki) August 3, 2020
24.
I feel strongly that the word zoology should be spelt zooology.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) August 4, 2020
25.
For the last 25 years I've collected drinks mats advertising my favourite chocolate caramel sweets: two days ago I found the last missing one and bought it. It may seem trivial to you but for me it's been an emotional Rolo coaster ride.
— David Quantick (@quantick) August 2, 2020
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The 25 funniest tweets we’ve seen this week
Image Sam Whyte @sharonmccutcheon on Unsplash