The 25 funniest tweets of the week
The week seems to have dragged, but the weekend is in sight and the tweets of the week are here, so grab a cuppa – other drinks are available – and laugh along with us at this comedy gold.
1.
— Mrs Phil Perry (@MrsPhilPerry) August 16, 2020
2.
If my son wants apple juice, I give him half water and half apple juice but the juice I buy is already watered down. The first time this kid has a glass of full sugar apple juice he’s gonna fucking powerbomb me through our coffee table.
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) August 15, 2020
3.
When I get my annual compliment pic.twitter.com/gL6AA1yWBf
— giallo shots (@emotionalpedant) August 15, 2020
4.
You never hear ghosts shouting "YOLO!" because they know better.
— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) August 16, 2020
5.
“Harvey, I just don’t think this one has enough room for all the kids.”
“We are NOT getting a fucking minivan, Sheila.” pic.twitter.com/aWED9grZh1
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) August 15, 2020
6.
People with a huge ego, looking in the mirror like… pic.twitter.com/ULpx2CoFvw
— mᎥᏦᎬ ᏞᎥᏆᎬᏒᎪᏞᏞᎽ✪ (@SkippyMcGizzard) August 15, 2020
7.
My grandparents were named Pearl and Dean
But we called them grandma and grandpapapapapapapapapapapaa…
— Ian. (@biker_Ian) August 15, 2020
8.
– grandad, when did you know you were old?
– the day i ran for a bus and i felt my balls clacking like a newton’s cradle… pic.twitter.com/qz61OnkPPC— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) August 14, 2020
9.
I am unfollowing a bunch of Instagram accounts because they never interact. Seriously, Pope Francis, what a diva.
— Rachel Noise (@RachelNoise) August 16, 2020
10.
🎵tale as old as time🎵 pic.twitter.com/pwzoqWlsAj
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) August 17, 2020
11.
American recipes are litch like
•3.5 handfuls of milk
•2/7 cup of cheese
•Pasta to taste— Holly x (@hollyshortall) August 16, 2020
12.
Financial adviser: In one year your expenditure has increased by 3000%, you’re bankrupt! How has this happened?
Me: I have never cancelled a subscription before the free trial ends.
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) August 16, 2020