We’ve trawled through Twitter for the funniest things so you don’t have to – the 25 best

13.

Maybe they should build airplanes out of whatever Betty White and Keith Richards are made from.

— Mr. Fix It (@ServiceTech_) October 7, 2020

14.

me: whoa that cloud looks like a lion

simba: oh shit dude hide the bong

— Adamned Cerious (@Browtweaten) October 6, 2020

15.

“Ma’am, my partner and I have done a thorough inspection of your property, and I’m afraid you’re going to need a new flowerbed, several bushes, and you will most likely need to reseed the lawn. If you want, we can work up an estimate and get back to you.” pic.twitter.com/lN7juyIpOi

— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) October 6, 2020

16.

Welcome to middle age, everyone reminds you of someone else but you’ve forgotten who.

— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) October 6, 2020

17.

🎶some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice
'cause I speak of the pompatus of love🎶

Receptionist: That's great but I really need your name if you want a doctor's appointment

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 6, 2020

18.

What next? Depeche Mode to clamp down on people smoking at bus stops? pic.twitter.com/lZqfQbfoME

— Lisa Lovebucket (@Lisa_Lovebucket) October 4, 2020

19.

Me responding to one email at 5pm after spending the whole day sitting in a chair staring at the wall pic.twitter.com/uiuzaMmLaj

— alistair green (@mralistairgreen) October 8, 2020

20.

To the person who complained that my last novel didn't make sense; you had the audiobook CD on shuffle.

— Christopher Fowler (@Peculiar) October 6, 2020

21.

Always felt that Orson Welles is basically about 20 Sam Mendes put together. pic.twitter.com/9iwAvpW1x4

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) October 8, 2020

22.

*card declines after getting a nose job*

the doctor: pic.twitter.com/MJiv4wL3GZ

— denisse ♌︎ (@imith1d) October 7, 2020

23.

Frankenstein’s bride:
You never help with tea

Frankenstein:
I did the mash…

Frankenstein’s bride:
DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE, FRANK

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 8, 2020

24.

I don’t know how anyone who’s ever had a job can believe conspiracy theories. You can’t get three people to agree on a budget for Kevin’s leaving present but you think thousands are in lock step on fake moon landings?

— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) October 4, 2020

25.

Don’t want to brag, but I’ve just assembled an IKEA desk with a drawer and I didn’t say fuck once.

— Cookie Urch (@Cookieurch) October 8, 2020

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Our top 25 funny tweets of the week

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