12 things you should probably never say (out loud) in the workplace. What did we miss?

Obviously, here at The Poke HQ, we’re always on our best behaviour and wouldn’t dream of saying anything untoward to any of our delightful colleagues or bosses.

Unfortunately, not everyone can be as perfect as we are, so we’ve compiled a list of things that should never be uttered at work (even if you sometimes think them).

1.
“If they ever introduce random drug testing here, I’m going to need 3 days notice.”

2.
“I made most of my CV up. Everybody does that, right!”

3.
“So, who is sleeping with who round here?”

4.
“I try and hold off going to the toilet until I get to work, as technically it means I’m then getting paid to poop.”

5.
“This new water bottle is great. It holds nearly an entire litre of vodka.”

6.
“I fancy a day off. Might say my nan died. Again.”

7.
“If anyone eats another one of my yoghurts then I’m going to start putting laxatives in them.”

8.
“Is there a way round these firewalls so I can watch porn on my computer?”

9.
“I only go to the meetings because there are free pastries.”

10.
“Hey, are you pregnant? Let me touch your belly!”

11.
“Am I sick? Nah, just got an almighty hangover.”

12.
“Have I got a reason for not finishing my work? Yeah. Couldn’t be arsed.”

Anything we missed?
 
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