The 25 stages you go through on a trip to IKEA
1. Look forward to some shopping and meatballs.
2. Start following the one-way arrow system.
3. Feel it’s not quite the same now they no longer seem to have the little pencils and paper shopping forms.
4. Laugh like a child at things with funny names, like a corkscrew called a slãgwänkah.
5. Get cross with people not following the one-way arrow system properly.
6. Try to convince yourself you could totally make a bespoke cabinet using a Billy Bookcase, 2 Kallax units, and a YouTube tutorial.
7. Realise after several hours that you haven’t even reached the Market Hall yet.
8. Stop following the one-way arrow system in a bid to make it out of the Showroom area.
9. Get lost and have a rest on a sofa while contemplating your life choices.
10. Use the last of your energy to fight your way out of the Showroom.
11. Make it to the restaurant area and replenish strength with meatballs, mashed potatoes, peas, cream sauce and lingonberry jam.
