‘What is the most annoying thing I can (legally) put in my garden?’ – 22 items guaranteed to rile the busybody neighbours
Having nice, friendly and quiet folk living next door to you is incredibly important. Ideally, you’d never know they were there, unless you wanted to pop round to borrow some milk or have a drink at Christmas.
Unfortunately, other people can be an absolute nightmare, and, if they happen to be just through the wall or over the garden fence, they are hard to avoid. So what do you do if you’ve got a hellish neighbours?
They’ve been figuring this out over on the AskUK subreddit after user Petey619 posted this:
What is the most annoying thing I can (legally) put in my garden?
I have a nosy neighbour who’s a bit of a gossip and a tattletale. She’s not above ringing the council and police for anything she deems unacceptable in others’ own homes. What can I put in my garden that can raise her blood pressure? Limit is £100 if it provides me at least 6 months of joy.
And lots of people jumped in with fiendishly irritating ideas to deal with the problem, like these…
1.
‘A semi-dismantled coupe, preferably over 20 years old which even if functional would be worth no more than £500, you then proceed for at least half an hour an evening after work to unscrew various bolts and rescrew them on as loud as possible, on weekends you do two shifts, one at 7am and one at 4pm, again to highlight the work you perform must never result in ever completing this project.’
–Suspicious_Trade2185
2.
‘Wind chimes.’
–GreenComfortable927
3.
‘Ooh they have wind chimes that are wood so instead of tinkling they make a cloppy horse noise. Get those. I hate those.’
–LetterheadLopsided26
4.
‘Plant a huge border of catmint and welcome the neighbourhood clowder of cats! Spring nights of come shag me heat howling, territorial fights and the unmistakable reek of piss. Bonus points; bees love it too!’
–FaithlessnessFull972
5.
‘As a pagan, join us and start doing weird rituals at every full moon and holiday. Bonus that its protected due to it being a religious observation.’
–HellOnHighHeels94
6.
‘I have a cutout of Nic Cage. I used to keep him in the spare bedroom window for the shits and giggles. Came home a few times to somebody knocking at the door and waving to the man upstairs. Unintentional bonus that it served as a scarecrow for the local smackheads and kids that used to hang around on the road before I put him up.
Got a knock on the door from the police. Apparently the guy across the road had made an extensive diary of the times and dates the house across the road from his were watching him from the bedroom window. Must have been a pretty big diary since Nic was there all day and night.
The policeman was clearly trying not to laugh after he asked me ‘Is that Nicolas Cage in your bedroom window?’. Said I didn’t have to do anything as it turns out nobody was actually doing anything wrong, but strongly advised I did as [he strongly implied] the guy across the road was a known nutcase.’
–Tao626
7.
‘Giant gnome? We have a 4ft one that my neighbour detests.’
–Sad_Radish7378
8.
‘One of those cat deterrents that humans aren’t supposed to hear but they absolutely do.’
–Obvious-Water569
9.
‘Depending on how brave you are, you can nude sunbathe legally (it’s free). Although I wouldn’t want to do this in December. It’s a bit nippy.’
–wolf_in_sheeps_wool
10.
‘Got a bird feeder? My neighbours HATES mine.’
–Neddlings55
11.
‘Santa legs that hang out of an upstairs window. Bonus points if you can make it so his trousers are falling down to reveal novelty boxers. Kids will find it hilarious but I doubt she will. Leave up for six months for maximum annoyance.’
–Nemariwa