‘What’s the worst thing that happened at your work Christmas party?’ – 23 terrifying tales that will soothe your own hangxiety
If there are two things we’re good at in the UK, it’s drinking too much and hating our jobs. Combine the two, and add a dash of festive exuberance, and your work Christmas do is bound to be an utter disaster.
They’ve been commiserating each other on their worst job-based party experiences on the AskUK subreddit after poor UnstableMabel21 posted this:
What was the worst thing that happened at your work Christmas party?
Drunk way too much at my work Christmas party and made a tit of myself, please help my hangxiety and tell me the worst thing that happened at yours
We feel your pain. Luckily, lots of sympathetic folk swooped in with tales of awful behaviour to cheer them up, like these…
1.
‘Employee A and B were in a relationship and were living together. They broke up about six hours before the Christmas party but still decided to attend and the two of them got utterly wankered. He decided he wanted her back but couldn’t find her anywhere. He eventually found her having sex with Employee C in the toilets and all hell broke loose. C was apparently in his boxers standing looking awkward while people pushed, shoved and separated each other.
I missed the whole thing as I went home early in a mood because I was blamed for vomiting Baileys all over the carpet. It wasn’t me. They ignored the evidence which included a bloke continually saying ‘I fuckin’ love Baileys, me’, ‘I think I’ve drank a whole bottle of Baileys’ and ‘My stomach hurts after all that Baileys’.’
–soverytiiiired
2.
‘New grad started in December, Xmas party was the same week, he went along and I swear it must have been the first time he’d encountered an open bar as he got very drunk. Touched a senior manager inappropriately on the dance floor, got his marching orders the next day. In and out of the company in a week, not bad going!’
–Evil_Martin
3.
‘Associate was on one, had been drinking since the early morning, it ended and he got the idea of doing some gear back at the office kitchen, by himself (we partially reckon he was that drunk he couldnt figure how to get out).
We found him in the morning, he’d shit himself, clearly tried some clean up but passed out and managed to roll in it so his suit was covered, left the mozam on the table for all to see, with a bottle of the client champagne he’d help himself to. Director helped clean him up, ordered him a taxi home for him to get changed to come back in. He did, laughed it all off and preceded to go out after work finished.’
–Feeling_Pen_8579
4.
‘Someone poured alcohol in the office fish tank and killed the beloved fish. Then my friend fell down the office steps and broke her leg. It was not a good year.’
–kathiewst
5.
‘We went out on a normal chilly December evening and whilst we were in the first bar it started to snow heavily. We came out to a thick covering of snow on the ground and were not prepared in terms of footwear. We were walking up to the next bar when one of my colleagues started to slip on the ice, turned around and tried to grab onto another colleague, accidentally hit her in the mouth and knocked her tooth out.
I was slightly ahead and turned to see her stood there with blood pouring from her mouth. Someone had to leave to take her to hospital, and the perpetrator, a lovely lad, was forever after known as Neil Fists of Steel.’
–InkedDoll1
6.
‘I staggered into my boss after way too many beers, knocked her over and broke her wrist…’
–Mobile-Stomach719
7.
‘These happened at different Christmas parties:
Had an industry year student who got completely rat arsed, then proceeded to vomit over the bosses wife while they were on the mini bus waiting to leave.
One of the older fellas got wrecked, tried to fight with people, knocked all the beer off a table and was found asleep on the stairwell. It was fancy dress and he was a wizard.
Me, I drank one too many free Stella’s. Thought I was Billy big bollocks, heckled a DJ at a pub we went to (totally out of character for me), now 20 years later, it still at random enters my mind and I have a surge of shame and anxiety.’
–gander8622
8.
‘We were on a minibus on the way home, the whole team including the owners, the quiet sales admin guy proceeded to projectile vom bright pink sick all over themself, the back / side of the owners and it seemed to spread over the entire floor of the minibus which we had to continue sitting in for another 20 mins.’
When we got back he then tried to claim it wasn’t him and then refused to pay the cleaning fee.’
–Urbanyeti0
9.
‘Young co-worker drank too much and passed out in the women’s bathroom. My wife went to check on her, bar staff mistakenly thought someone mentioned sexual assault, and called the police, they arrived and quized everyone, my bosses (who were grade A cunts) insisted it was my wife who brought up assault and blamed her for ruining the party instead of worrying about their employee.’
–ThatNiceDrShipman
10.
‘I got my entire company banned from a posh hotel years ago. How? I found a piano and decided to play John Lennon’s Imagine. It started a knife fight which spilled into the hotel kitchens. All while I was oblivious as to what was happening behind me.’
–tomkeys78
11.
‘Last week whilst I was at my very well behaved dinner another department had one of their guys get super drunk and decide to shove a spoon from the restaurant up his ass, then about an hour later he pulled down his trouser/pants and pulled it out. I was amazed he still has a job but he’s still here!’
–Polz34
12.
‘A guy had been working at a property management company for two weeks with about 30 women, 70% over 50 and very normal, suddenly new boy is very drunk on vodka and going around the table asking these ladies if they’ve got any cocaine and are they up for a shag etc.
Realised he wasn’t being appreciated so goes over to the waitress with the same cobblers, grabs her arse, next thing her dad is there going for him she is in the corner crying, turns out she was 14. He resigned the next day. We don’t have Xmas parties anymore.’
–soulsteela