Play our Channel 4 Automated Programme Generator!

Media News: No one is immune from cutbacks this year, not even Channel Four who are hoping – The Poke can exclusively reveal – to make savings of up to 25% across all their commissioning departments by replacing the old ‘pitch and wait’ system with sophisticated computer software known as the APG.

The Automated Programme Generator is destined to transform the commissioning process. “We do not see it as a cut,” insisted channel head David Abraham, who at first denied the existence of the APG, “but rather as a much-need reform. Instead of the lengthy process of pitching ‘ideas’ and/or ‘formats’, followed by endless internal and external ‘meetings’ and then, perhaps, though unlikely, an eventual ‘commission’, the APG will do all that in an instant.”

“It’s algorithms are hard-wired into the zeitgeist, guaranteeing Channel Four’s position as the the numero uno now-tro broadcaster. And that’s just one upside. The other is I won’t have to sit in any of those ghastly meetings with production company people. If there is one thing guaranteed to put you off your viewing figures, it’s eyes burning with desperation above a mouth calcified by practised enthusiasm.”