Facebook Shares Rise, Despite All Attempts To Make It Unusable

Tech News: Shares in Facebook have returned to their original flotation price, despite all attempts by the social network to make the service completely unusable.

“We’ve done our best to flood your newsfeed with bland sponsored posts, suggestions to like various unpleasant multinational companies and relentless invitations to play Candy Crush,” said Facebook’s head of User Annoyance Chad Brostream.

“Previously we tried to annoy users by moving things around and adding pointless functions, but it’s clear we need to step up our game, perhaps by developing technology that burns out your retinas whenever you log on.”

Facebook now has 1.15 billion members – 61% of whom check the site daily, in the misguided hope of seeing something of interest.

“With mobile phones more people than ever are looking at Facebook,” said founder Mark Zuckerberg.

“Therefore we need to revise our apps to make them even more unusable and feature specific mobile content that either insists on you downloading another app or just freezes your phone completely.”