Jeremy Corbyn beats Theresa May! (In battle of the cardboard cutouts on Amazon)
Only marginally less dimensional than the real thing, Jeremy Corbyn has taken an early lead over Theresa May in the battle of the cardboard cutouts on Twitter.
Why you’d want a lifesize cutout of a party leader – actually, don’t answer that – is another matter.
Corbyn boasts a five-star review, ahead of the Tory leader’s two. You can also get a cutout of Nigel Farage (the only place you’ll find him standing in this election). Don’t tell Tim Farron, but we couldn’t find one of him…
As if often the case with these things, the proper fun is to be had with the reviews on Amazon.
First up, the Maybot.
“Didn’t find it very strong or stable.”
“As effigies go this burns very well. Highly recommended.”
“Firstly, I did not order this… it turned up at my door uninvited. It did not integrate with the household and only knew a few words of English.. ‘strong and stable’… ‘will of the people’ and Brexit means Brexit’.
It does not appear to come with the promise of a £350 million guarantee and I was told that the product insurance was invalid and I would not be getting a refund! The Trade Description office agreed that all claims were grossly inaccurate and constituted a fraudulent advert. This will be settled through the courts!”
And Corbyn.
“Honest description doesn’t spin round even when the wind blows in a different direction, has a calming influence, not glossy what you see is what you get.”
“Inside the very thin wrapping it smelled rather bad, like it had been festering for some time. The colour reproduction was poor, had a noticeable red tinge. Snapped immediately when placed under pressure. Sticker on the back says “Made In The USSR” so clearly old, outdated stock.”
“Durable but surprisingly hard to move, doesn’t fold and lacks the traditional glossy finish. Better than anything else available.”
Finally, Farage.
“A great partner in bed, but cold and unresponsive at family dinners and outings.”
“I bought this for my dad as he’s a card carrying Lib Dem and hates Farage. Plus I got him socks last year.
Rudely he promptly re-gifted it to my brother.
My brother had just moved into a new flat. He left it propped up on his balcony in Brixton.
At his first residents meeting he discovered he’d become known as “George the racist”
Nigel is now in a cupboard and my brother no longer speaks to me.
Quality merchandise, highly recommended.”