25 of the funniest jokes to round off the week
13.
Your 20s: oh no I haven’t done laundry and there’s no thongs left in the drawer
Your 40s: oh no I haven’t done laundry and there’s only thongs left in the drawer
— Tracy King (@tkingdot) November 13, 2018
14.
why does half of Twitter think they're going to lead a communist uprising when they're too scared to order pizza on the phone
— Ry (@spinereader) November 14, 2018
15.
You: "Kanye is one of the great artists of our time."
Kanye: https://t.co/QMEsXzQuVx— Rick Burin (@rickburin) November 13, 2018
16.
Old lady: I swallowed a fly
Me: omg
Old lady: And a spider
Me *stands in front of my pet bird* I think you should leave
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 14, 2018
17.
5 years ago today I asked my Twitter crush out on a date. Today I asked her to marry me.
She said no, both times, so here's a random couple from Google… pic.twitter.com/WhVdfZZy0i
— #SayEastLondon (@NeeksQuamina) November 10, 2018
18.
It's pretty messed up how cheese with holes in it is more expensive than cheese without holes in it
— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) November 13, 2018
19.
My 5 rules for book writing
1. How
2. We
3. Include
4. More
5. Spiders— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 16, 2018
20.
[being murdered]
me: this is free, right?
— the riddler (@The_____Riddler) November 14, 2018
21.
kiss guys: ok chaim witz. it's time to pick a cool rock name. you can pick any name.
chaim: ok. i pick "gene simmons"— ringworm (@prawn_meat) November 15, 2018
22.
co-pilot: don't freak out but one of our engines is on fire
me (first day): why would I freak out I already called the fire department
co-pilot:
me:
co-pilot: what'd they say
— dustin Couch (@Dustinkcouch) November 14, 2018
23.
her: you wore that shirt yesterday
me: ever heard of laundry
her: did you do your laundry yesterday
me: I really don’t see how that’s relevant
— preston whaleiams (@PrestoVision) November 15, 2018
24.
I wonder how many Mexican waves have been started by someone accidentally sitting on a cat.
— Scott Hoad (@ScottHoad) November 15, 2018
25.
Shaft. https://t.co/8F1qT1cnOL
— David Allen Green (@davidallengreen) November 15, 2018
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