There’s a new meme on the block but he never texts you back – the 25 hottest takes

15.

Ladies if he:
-never gives you a straight answer
-goes on too long but never satisfies you
-is taking the best years of your life
He’s not your man. He’s #PMQs

— Stephen Bush (@stephenkb) November 28, 2018

16.

Ladies, if he

– looks impeccable in a suit
– comes in clutch with that emotional support
– knows how to craft a compliment like it’s an art
– can build furniture without a tantrum
– knows how to build sexual tension with self control

That’s no man, that’s a lesbian.

— Kennedy (@kcath23) November 26, 2018

17.

Ladies, if he

-ne’er returns texts
-won thy heart with false dice
-hath one foot on sea, one on shore

‘Tis not thy man. ‘Tis all men.

— William Shakespeare (@Shakespeare) November 25, 2018

18.

Ladies, if he:

– never rings you first
– makes you do all the work
– never gets a hair cut
– hunts buffalo on the plains of the Masai Mara
– is listed as vulnerable on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species

He’s not your man. He’s a lion.#Dynasties pic.twitter.com/R19nwMsfLY

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) November 27, 2018

19.

Ladies, if he:

– is out on the wiley, windy moors
– rolls and falls in green
– has a jealousy too hot, too greedy
– hates you
– loves you, too

That’s not your man, it’s me I’m Cathy I’ve come home

— Aoife (@ni_durkey) November 26, 2018

20.

Ladies, if he;

– Holds and gives
– Does it at the right time
– Is slow or fast
– Must get to the line

He is not your man, he's John Barnes

— Jonny Sharples (@JonnyGabriel) November 26, 2018

21.

https://twitter.com/robotmummy/status/1067656401571495937

22.

https://twitter.com/RexTrillerson/status/1066410196484964354

23.

https://twitter.com/alisonguzzetti/status/1066362763138740227

24.

Ladies, if he:

– ignores your text messages
– doesn't like your tweets
– is very hairy
– has bright ideas
– spends a lot of time on the road
– would rip the head off a roadrunner

He's not your man. He's Wile E Coyote

— Paul (@bingowings14) November 26, 2018

25.

Ladies, if he:

– doesn’t text you back
– is thirty and wearing tights
– saw a dog today
– crammed eleven cookies into your VCR
– calls you a cotton headed ninny muggins

He’s not your man. He’s Buddy the Elf.

— Gehrig Elliott (@Gehrigryan1102) November 27, 2018

Executive editor at @MuckRock, JPat Brown took it to a new level with this beautiful snipe at Freedom of Information requests.

https://twitter.com/resentfultweet/status/1067159558701772800

Monterey Bay Aquarium hijacked the format to sneak in a fact.

Ladies, if he:

– doesn’t respond to your texts
– oh hey cool you’re reading the tweet
– ah the good ol’ meme-format-to-fourth-wall switcheroo
– let’s use our time together to learn an obscure ocean factoid
– it’s a doozy here we go

Porpoise teeth are shaped like tiny spatulas!

— Monterey Bay Aquarium (@MontereyAq) November 28, 2018

They did that on porpoise.