44 absolute crackers to get you into the festive spirit
23.
In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) December 20, 2018
24.
https://twitter.com/MrsPhilPerry/status/1075339417810845696
25.
Just passed Chris Rea on the motorway. Wonder where he’s going ?
— Michael Starke (@MichaelStarke57) December 19, 2018
26.
How was town? Options:
– “Mayhem”
– “Chaos”
– “Absolute nightmare”
– “Heaving”
– “I got the last space”
– “Chock-a-block”
– “Rammed”
– “Queues out the door”
– “Hell”
– “I’m not going back”
– “You can tell it’s Christmas”
– “Carnage”
– “Wasn’t too bad actually”
– “Dead”— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 20, 2018
27.
Christmas crackers are great because I hate having to go to two separate shops to buy my giant paper clips and fortune-telling fish.
— Glenn Moore (Insta: @glennrogermoore) (@TheNewsAtGlenn) December 20, 2018
28.
https://twitter.com/pattymo/status/1075808374846046210
29.
The thing is, Die Hard wasn’t a Christmas movie originally. The script was changed by Constantine in 336 to align it with the Sol Invictus festival.
— Matthew Black (@MatthwBlack) December 20, 2018
30.
He's making a list,
And checking it twice,
Gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice.
Santa Claus is contravening GDPR.— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 21, 2018
31.
“Fucking leg it Trevor I’ve just nicked the last mince pie”
— Nik D (@nikidoog) December 18, 2018
32.
All I want for Christmas is for Apple to stop reminding me every morning that I haven’t backed up my iPhone since 2013.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 21, 2018
33.
Is it too late to send letters to Santa? I just found out there’s Game of Thrones socks.
— Justin Staggs Ⓥ (@Staggfilms) December 21, 2018
34.
Me: this is my room. Why am I crying?
Ghost of Christmas Future: mate what the fuck we’ve just jumped 12 years into the future and you still haven’t changed those bedsheets— David Hughes (@david8hughes) December 21, 2018
35.
♬ He's boiling an egg ♬
♬ He's boiling it twice ♬
♬ He's boiled it again ♬
♬ He's losing his mind ♬
♬ Santa Claus is repeatedly boiling an egg ♬— Regular Frog (@FrogCroakley) December 20, 2018
36.
https://twitter.com/TechnicallyRon/status/1073585836141281280
37.
When your house is full of food but your mum won’t let you eat any of it because ‘It’s for Christmas’. pic.twitter.com/gmSKX6jFhp
— Jesus Tweets You (@JesusTweetsYou) December 19, 2018
38.
#AdventCalendar 20 Despite all her heavy-handed hints, Brother Alfred had bought her the WRONG BAG for Christmas and Queen Eleanor was not pleased. Not pleased at all. pic.twitter.com/2YvBcJP0cb
— Dame VictoriaG Esq (MPhil (failed)) (@ancientnmodern) December 20, 2018
39.
Still looking for that special Christmas gift but don’t want to spend a fortune?
Lidl are doing these edible back scratchers for 98p. pic.twitter.com/TkDg07aAcC
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) December 19, 2018
40.
https://twitter.com/NickMotown/status/1069497428489981952
41.
The words to The Little Drummer Boy make it sound like you don’t know the words to The Little Drummer Boy
— Cal Wilson (@calbo) December 18, 2018
42.
Festive Babybel – a reminder to us all that Christmas is about celebrating the little baby cheeses. pic.twitter.com/JH49Y5wScr
— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) December 20, 2018
43.
#Christmas has me like… pic.twitter.com/FLyiHiXdiW
— Michael D. A. Clarke (@MichaelDAClarke) December 19, 2018
44.
https://twitter.com/TeaAndCopy/status/1073494322992033792
Feeling Christmasy yet? Happy Christmas, if that’s your thing, or Happy Covering for Colleagues Who Celebrate Christmas Day, it it’s not.