Our 25 favourite jokes of the week
13.
My son has a baby toy that's just knobs and buttons you can press for the joy of pressing, with no causal power. Can't wait to introduce him to the grownup version, Facebook Privacy Controls.
— KerryHowley (@KerryHowley) December 19, 2018
14.
I’ve been trying to cancel a print job since November.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 20, 2018
15.
I'M ALL WOMAN!
*checks the label*
I'M 80% WOMAN AND 20% POLYESTER!
— Arena Flowers (@ArenaFlowers) December 20, 2018
16.
he buys me flowers, he opens doors for me. i think this might be love-
i’ve even trimmed my minge… pic.twitter.com/DFySon4gUn— forest fr1ends (@forest_fr1ends) December 20, 2018
17.
Drives me nuts in movies how everyone is great at listening and remembering shit. I was watching Narcos and some dude got an address he needed and then he just got in his car and went there. Didn’t write it down. Didn’t call the dude back like “yo wtf was that street again?”
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) December 20, 2018
18.
https://twitter.com/BobbyPines/status/1075440336355368960
19.
Wish this satsuma a good day as he sets off on his fourth trip to school and back in a 10yr olds lunch box. pic.twitter.com/bh739iadBI
— Twinks (@tinytwink) December 17, 2018
20.
Breakfast foods are just a subjective construct forced upon us by a cruel and judgmental society. *I whisper to myself while I finish my sixth piece of breakfast lasagna*
— Ian (@Big_Cat74) December 20, 2018
21.
https://twitter.com/adamhess1/status/1075768189705830400
22.
All I'm saying is, if I were a billionaire, I'd tell all my aspiring rivals that the secret to success was getting up at 4am.
— Glenn Moore (Insta: @glennrogermoore) (@TheNewsAtGlenn) December 18, 2018
23.
Ok, let’s finish this argument once and for all: Die Hard is a German porn film.
— Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) December 20, 2018
24.
According to people from school on Facebook, councils are insisting that all Santa’s are now one legged, lesbian, black, vegan Muslims. How are they going to fit this in as well as running the bbc, getting all the good jobs and stealing benefits?
— Kiri Pr'chard-McLean (@kiripritchardmc) December 17, 2018
25.
https://twitter.com/trojansauce/status/1075779513999548417