Our 25 favourite jokes of the week
We’re going to avoid saying the B-word as much as possible and focus on the positives:
> We’ve made it past the hump day of January, so if we fall off the resolution wagon now, at least it looks like we tried.
> It’s Friday.
> The price of Freddos has stayed pretty static for the last year.
See – it’s not all Brexit doom and gloom, particularly if you read these 25 funny things we’ve seen this week.
1.
https://twitter.com/rgay/status/1086077447974445056
2.
tfw you're stuck choosing between the frozen pizza and the frozen chicken nuggets pic.twitter.com/932GgxwJ2C
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) January 13, 2019
3.
I call my wife 'her indoors' because she looks like Jim Morrison.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) January 13, 2019
4.
Sure the veneer of civilization seems to grow thinner every day, but we are living in the golden age of milk alternatives
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) January 13, 2019
5.
Please can Dwayne Johnson sue The Daily Star for that fake interview they ran so I can do a pun about "Rock beats paper"
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) January 13, 2019
6.
https://twitter.com/SarahLaverty1/status/1084473438515986433
7.
As a woman I can't imagine how it would feel to see an ad that implies I could improve
— @hanamichels.bsky.social (@HanaMichels) January 16, 2019
8.
I’d say one of my best qualities is that I never hold a grudge. I mean I barely even remember the time when I was 6 and Sarah Jones was talking in class and our teacher, Mrs Davies, told me off for it when it wasn’t even me. I don’t hold grudges at all, Sarah, you fucking bitch.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 12, 2019
9.
[Pitching Scooby-Doo]
WRITER: So it’s a show about a talking dog.
PRODUCER: Dogs can’t talk tho.
WRITER: Well he has a significant speech impediment.
PRODUCER: Ah, of course. Carry on then.— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 13, 2019
10.
My new favourite joke:
How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and the other to hold the penis… LADDER! I meant LADDER!
— C.L. Taylor (@callytaylor) January 15, 2019
11.
Moses: And number 7 is thou shalt not steal
Ol' lying, thieving, murdering Dave who hates his parents: This is starting to feel personal
— Abam (@AdamBroud) January 13, 2019
12.
Reservoir Moggs pic.twitter.com/JioHGpepg0
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) January 17, 2019