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April Fool’s Day 2019: we’ve found the best fake news jokes so you don’t have to

John Plunkett. Updated April 1st, 2019

It’s that time of the year again when the papers are full of stuff so outrageous that you can’t believe they can possibly be true.

Actually, that’s most days these days isn’t it? Except today, it really is made up, all in the pursuit of an April Fool’s guffaw. Or smile. Or groan.

Here’s a whole bunch of the best (and let us know what we’ve missed).

1. BBC iPlayer

The BBC have launched a Skip The Sex button on iPlayer – allowing prudish Brits to FWD the racy bits.

2. Tinder

Men are notorious for telling porkies on their dating profiles – now Tinder says it is clamping down with Height Verification.

3. T-Mobile

Came up with an ingenious solution to those times when you’re trying to talk on your mobile in public and it’s really noisy and you can’t hear what the other person is saying.

A Phone BoothE.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veGkOhffvy8

4. FreshDirect

Online grocery service FreshDirect came up with a revolutionary new milk alternative. It’s called Caulk and it’s made from cauliflower.

5. Honda

Honda promised to bring back ‘everything you loved about the ’90s’ with its retro pimp your car package. We really want one of these.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=kZ5oRIXCFlM

6. Boden’s Breton Shirt Ban

Breton shirts are the latest casualty of Brexit upheavals.  Boden say ‘As new EU rules come into force today, any stripe-wearing Brit found flouting the rules could face a €1000 fine or even a stretch in prison’. Boden, the company that made Breton tops famous in the UK, are offering a thoughtful solution to customers: a Breton stripe removal service.

7. Roku

TV streaming types Roku came up with a remote control specifically designed to make it easier for pets to take control of the TV.

8. Travelodge

Save 50% when you stay in one of their hotels by sharing your bed with a stranger. Welcome to Bedshare!

9. Honda

Avoid causing a road rage incident with this, Honda’s ‘polite horn’.

10. McDonalds

Milkshake sauce pots are just like a regular milk shake except they come in small pots just the right size to dip your fries in.

Yum.

https://twitter.com/McDonaldsUK/status/1112489752073142272

11. KitKat

KitKat in a cup! Nestlé spent four years coming up with the perfect blend of tea to accompany a KitKat, and comes in two finger, four finger, and Chunky varieties.

12. BMW

Invented ‘lunar paint’ which charges your electric car at night. Like solar power, but with the moon.

13. British Transport Police

Are cracking down on people who eat smelly food on trains, a cause which we can surely all get behind.

https://twitter.com/BTP/status/1112606463636189184

‘A stinky sandwich, fermented fish or pungent late night grub on the 11.50pm service to Reading – we all know that smelly foods on board trains cause controversy.

That is why today, British Transport Police (BTP) is announcing a ground-breaking new step in cracking down on the consumption of all foul-smelling foods on board trains, trams and tubes across Britain’s rail network.

As part of new anti-social behaviour legislation, those caught consuming offensive edible items while in transit could face a penalty fare of up to £2,000.

From today, ‘Consumption of smelly grub’ will become the 27th Railway Byelaw, and repeated offenders may be issued with a Criminal Food Behaviour Order (CBF0) which could prevent them travelling on trains for life or coming within a 50 meter radius of a takeaway shop.’

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