Our 25 favourite jokes from this week
With two bank holidays in rapid succession, plus all the cheap chocolate in the shops after Easter, it’s been quite a good week for a lot of people, as long as they weren’t trying to commute across London, come to a Brexit agreement or mess with Jay Rayner.
None of those apply to these 25 people, who were obviously on very good form.
1.
Friend: What did your wife do just before she had the baby?
Me: She went "FUUUUUUUUCK!" and a bit of poo came out.
Friend: I meant work wise.
Me: oh, book keeping.
— Baby Jesus (@JCautomatic) April 24, 2019
2.
I believe the Aztecs were of the same opinion. https://t.co/uQSTZVROd8
— Ming The Merciless (@MGliksmanMDPhD) April 20, 2019
3.
When the ice cream van is outside but your mum says there are choc ices in the freezer. pic.twitter.com/1VS5zoURNK
— Lawrent (@IamtheLaw_rie) April 22, 2019
4.
Just trying to read the Led Zeppelin wikipedia entry about when Jimmy went missing, but it says Page Not Found.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) April 23, 2019
5.
My favourite childhood memory is not paying for anything
— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) April 22, 2019
6.
Which idiot called it a swear jar and not a fuckit bucket
— Tom Chivers (@TomChivers) April 22, 2019
7.
my walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing i can’t carry 24 items in my arms through the store
— venice witch (@horchataqween) April 22, 2019
8.
https://twitter.com/shyshybreezy/status/1120300970313965569
9.
did jk rowling write this https://t.co/rYLdVRxYQL
— David Mack (@davidmackau) April 23, 2019
10.
britain's three elite institutions pic.twitter.com/g1umKuhZKo
— Stan The Golden Boy (@tristandross) April 22, 2019
11.
Botox just turned 17 years old.
Don't look surprised— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 24, 2019
12.
When you’ve had it with men pic.twitter.com/AMp3t7nWrm
— Sanaa (@sanaajatoi) April 19, 2019
