25 things that gave us a laugh this week
13.
Love island should be called the great British fuck off
— extremely online guy (@nickmullen) August 29, 2019
14.
Fuck of a lot of shops just for South Shields. https://t.co/LkITBsvhkE
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) August 27, 2019
15.
PERSON: Your baby is so cute
ME: Oh thank you
PERSON: They're gonna be a real heartbreaker!
ME: Oh I hope not but thanks
PERSON:
ME:
PERSON:
ME:
PERSON: They're going to devastate everyone who ever loves them
ME: Okay we gotta go now
— Michael 🌶 (@Home_Halfway) August 26, 2019
16.
Surprising move from the referee. pic.twitter.com/t2Mwhpj5ij
— Meow Library (@meowlibrary) August 25, 2019
17.
Keep it under your hat but the Conservatives are also building a Death Star.
— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) August 28, 2019
18.
[to salesgirl]
I want a dress for pausing in a doorway, uttering something devastating, and dropping a champagne glass in slow motion. Also, pockets.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 26, 2019
19.
Welcome to your fifties. You need to try on belts before you buy them now.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) August 26, 2019
20.
When your mum finds love with a waiter in Zante pic.twitter.com/4sYhzd3Waa
— Ben Machell (@ben_machell) August 26, 2019
21.
Sounds boring. pic.twitter.com/RP4Aj1Gbac
— Tom Rosenthal (@rosentweets) August 26, 2019
22.
Lieutenant Dan, you got new legs! pic.twitter.com/cJ5UR0G8OC
— Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) August 29, 2019
23.
Cop: before I search your pockets is there anything I should be aware of?
Me: we brush our teeth with hair on a stick and brush our hair with teeth on a stick
Cop: *on radio* get the feds
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) August 27, 2019
24.
maybe if millennials didn’t buy an avocado toast every single day, then they could afford to purchase a house in 1955 like everyone else.
— Myq Kaplan (@myqkaplan) August 28, 2019
25.
PRETEND you’re a 24 hour on call handyman by simply telling your 27 year old daughter you’ve taken a day off fucking work. @TwopTwips
— Baby Jesus (@JCautomatic) August 30, 2019
