23 Halloween jokes to get you in the right spirit
13.
Halloween feels like a houseguest who just announced they're staying five more days.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 27, 2019
14.
Ladies! This Halloween, go as a flight of stairs; this way you can claim you are in a couple’s costume with the 1,482,567 men dressed as the joker at the costume party
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 27, 2019
15.
Me: No, I won’t have the nice normal butter, I shall have the awful one that is ten pence cheaper.
Also me: OOOH, tiny baby pumpkins for 50p each that I will never eat!— Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) October 27, 2019
16.
Combine trick AND treat by handing out vegan chocolate.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 31, 2019
17.
Working on my Halloween costume: 'Hungover Old Man Who Hasn’t Got Dressed all Day Shuffling to Aldi in Slippers and Yelling at Kids that Trick or Treat is American Rubbish It’s Actually All Hallows’ Eve Which is Religious Don’t They Teach You Anything In School Argh Fuck Off’.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) October 30, 2019
18.
Being sure to stock up on loads of sweets for Halloween so you have something to eat while hiding in the wardrobe
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 29, 2019
19.
This Halloween I want to have the scariest costume in the neighborhood so I hung a bunch of positive pregnancy tests around my neck
— NosferaPru (@prufrockluvsong) October 29, 2019
20.
Traditionally, today is the day I replace all the Halloween candy I've eaten with cough drops and pecans, cuz Trick OR Treat implies that you have a choice.
— Marcmywords (@Marcmywords2) October 30, 2019
21.
– What have you come as?
– A Werewolf.
– But… they're your normal clothes.
– It's not a full moon.
— Neil (@_Enanem_) October 28, 2019
22.
Reasons not to have a 3rd kid:
-each one costs roughly 10k a year
-the whole of the noise is somehow greater than the sum of its parts
-the whole of laundry is somehow greater than the sum of its parts
-I’m carving 3 fucking pumpkins— Haunted Sweatpants Cher 🔶 (@House_Feminist) October 30, 2019
23.
People are saying my Marie Kondo Halloween costume is "racist" and "transphobic" when really they're just mad I came to their party and threw all their shit in a dumpster.
— Jean Creamery (@kylekinane) October 24, 2019
Writer Tom Cox had a question.
When did “Happy Halloween!” become an acceptable greeting? Halloween isn’t a time for happiness. It’s not Christmas, or someone’s birthday. It’s a time to explore remote derelict barns and contemplate eternity and the cold tortured shapes that walk the earth while we sleep.
— Tom Cox (@cox_tom) October 20, 2019
Source: Twitter Image: @neonbrand and @cazault on Unsplash, Twitter screengrab
