Our 25 favourite funny things from the last week
13.
Tonight I saw a man whizzing through London on an electric unicycle with nothing but balance keeping him upright & it still boggles my mind we haven't worked out better ways to have babies than to push them full size out your hole or slice them out of your tummy with a knife.
— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) January 20, 2020
14.
Better an achy breaky heart than a leaky squeaky arse.
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) January 21, 2020
15.
Me: I’d like to book a massage please
Her: Swedish or deep tissue
Me: What’s the one where you just draw letters on my back and I have to guess them— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) January 19, 2020
16.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema
G’night
— Kate Robbins (@KateRobbins) January 21, 2020
17.
Now I can pay everything with my phone except attention
— Steve vs Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) January 22, 2020
18.
Harry, Duke of Sussex after living a month in Canada pic.twitter.com/adT8PhZOaA
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) January 19, 2020
19.
What's the warmest thickness of tights?
Climate change denier.
— Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) January 21, 2020
20.
Bloody hell Prince Harry found a job quickly. pic.twitter.com/VMyV0Qmgln
— Tom Rosenthal (@rosentweets) January 23, 2020
21.
you never actually see James Bond have sex for all we know he is just really good at hugging
— joe (@mutablejoe) January 23, 2020
22.
“How old are you, grandad?”
*old man puffs on pipe. Stares wistfully out of the window*
“Well, I remember a time when it wasn’t bloody January.”— Dave Turner (@mrdaveturner) January 23, 2020
23
My OnlyFans is just pictures of me brushing biscuit crumbs off my chest.
— Karen from finance (@BoredomDidIt) January 24, 2020
24.
A man who’s been accused of breaking into Curry’s and sticking the USB cables up his arse has been arrested, but not charged.
— Ed Morrish (@edmorrish) January 24, 2020
25.
Yesterday my colleague called me a 'book murderer' because I keep weapons in books to do murders with. Does anyone else do this? Is it just me? pic.twitter.com/K8hjMIwn9P
— Anna Mazzola (@Anna_Mazz) January 23, 2020
Source Twitter Image @markusspiske on Unsplash
