This tale of public nudity at a German spa is both excruciating and hilarious
If you’ve ever had one of those dreams where you find yourself naked in public, you can probably still remember waking up in a cold sweat and the relief of discovering it wasn’t real.
For writer, Anbara Salam, however, it was real. Very, very real.
She generously shared her mortifying tale with Twitter, and we were cringing on her behalf just reading it.
It all sounded so straightforward to begin with.
As a public service in these stressful times I'd like to offer, as a palate cleanser, the most embarrassing moment of my life.
10ish years ago, my ex bf and I visited a spa in Germany. It's swimsuits in the pool but you have to be naked in the sauna.
Btw I speak no German. 1/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Bf and I agree to meet in the café. I get undressed, grab a lil towel and go off to the sauna. There are 2 unmarked doors at the end of a corridor, I take a guess and go through the one on the left.
It's not the door to the sauna. It's the fire escape.
2/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
But soon, the nightmare kicked in.
The door locks behind me.
I am trapped inside the fire escape, in the nip.
3/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
It's 2 storeys, dark, grim, noisy bc of huge fans. I bang on the fire escape door until I actually hurt myself. Nothing. Yell for help. Nothing.
Fully crying, I run downstairs, trying to work out which part of me I should cover with the lil towel – my face? A single buttock? 4/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
We’re sure we’ve had this dream too, and there’s usually a velociraptor …
Bang on the 2nd floor doors for 10 mins. Yell some more. Nothing.
On the ground floor there's an unlocked door. Jackpot! But no, it's a terrifying machine room with massive fans & pumps & 'electrocution' symbols on everything.
5/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Friends, there's nothing quite like running, naked & crying, around an industrial machine room. I spot a service lift. Out of sheer panic, I run into the lift, covering each boob in turn, mashing the buttons.
6/— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
I go up & down in the lift a few times. There's a security camera in the lift. Torn between 'I don't want anyone to see this' and 'I rlly rlly want someone to see this & rescue me' I move the lil towel between strategic areas while sobbing & waving at the camera
7/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
We’d give anything to know what the announcement really said.
After a few rides up & down, there's a German loudspeaker announcement, and I just *know* it's about me. Like 'the naked girl in the fire escape lift please stop mashing the buttons' or whatever, but I can't understand it, so just cry louder and gesture at the camera
8/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020