Dominic Cummings’ tale told in the style of the ‘plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys’ is a very funny read
Just when you think you can’t possibly read a new take on Dominic Cummings’ explanation on why he appeared to break the government’s own lockdown guidelines, comes this.
These ‘extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys’ by @MarkFrancois12 is very clever and very, very funny.
Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys
May 26th
Up, and almost blind with sending template messages to constituents, I am fitting myself to go abroad to Chingford on my horse Evoque 2.0 to test the ill condition of my eyes,
1/8 pic.twitter.com/gbOAVxsPhi
— HENRY MORRIS (@mrhenrymorris) May 26, 2020
and swearing the boy Bridgen and mayde Hartley-Brewer to travel too that God be praised! we arrive safely it may be nice to sit on a bench in Epping Forest and drink a four pack of Monster. After, to the weightiest of sessions about this Cummings business,
2/
— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
and that the advisor should never be the story I find it well that the aide Johnson takes a backseat. Duke Cummings speaking with a most refined aversion to remorse did discourse at length on circumstances familiar to most but extenuating
3/
— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
to him, those of being a parent, and such is his genius the mob are reduced to wondering at his bladder capacity during lengthy journeys, and though a mighty point of the privileges of the subjects of England is to take the piss, I do believe
4/
— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
we should not satirise the catheterised; yet still the journalists come and the great Bladdiator despatches them one by one that his prostate must ne’er prostrate our democracy. Great personal frustration that unlike our superborecaster’s urinary tract I need excuse myself
5/
— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
to make water, whereupon I am hearing of suspicious rustlings, and an investigation discloses Prince Andrew behind the door of trap three, not a bead of sweat about him, sat astride the chodbin eating Werther's Originals and whispering all the answers to Dom, and that there is
6/— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
a power behind every throne, this nemesis of Maitliss is ours. Besides, whilst Duke Cummings may be pisspraxic he at least takes no wage, feeling it proper he should only be paid by one government, and I believe integrity is his strongest weapon and belike a family
7/
— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
on a non-stop unplanned journey up the A1 we have everything crossed for him, and it being summer and with today’s spectacle the closest we’re getting to a footy tournament this year, we all departed merrily singing ‘Its Cumming home, its Cumming home, its Cummings’
— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
And plentiful thanks to the original paintriot Will Overman for unearthing this gem from the County Durham tourist board! pic.twitter.com/3Y4KNKAp84
— Mark ne-Francois-pas MP (@MarkFrancois12) May 26, 2020
Beautifully done!
And this is why I'm completely unable to fall on my back-up employment plan of writing a novel; because I'll never in a million years be able to write something as fabulous as this.
— Louise Flower (@louiseflower) May 26, 2020
And you can follow @MarkFrancois12 on Twitter here!
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Whoever wrote this Metro front page headline about Dominic Cummings, give yourself a pay rise
Source @MarkFrancois12