25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
It’s Friday, the weather is good(ish), the weekend is within touching distance, and there’s a fresh batch of Twitter funny stuff for you to enjoy. All you need now is a drink of something you like and five minutes’ peace to enjoy it.
Here’s the funny stuff – you’ll have to make your own drink.
1.
Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.
— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) May 2, 2025
2.
Me: Not my circus, not my monkeys.
*gets closer*
Me: Oh crap, those are my monkeys.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 5, 2025
3.
Everyone loves a little mystery. That's why they eat sausages.
— Kira (@kirakindly) May 5, 2025
4.
I thought I was a pacifist and then squirrels started digging up my plants and stealing my berries.
— Ousa Medusa (@MedusaOusa) May 6, 2025
5.
You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.
— (@MoMohler) May 7, 2025
6.
Fashion Influencer: Today I’m pairing this $600 sweater with $450 pants, $975 boots, and a handbag worth a small fortune.
Me: The sweatshirt I’m wearing is old enough to legally drive.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 7, 2025
7.
Whoever said “money can’t buy happiness” clearly never bought a gas station hot dog at 2 a.m. while drunk and invincible.
— Tommy “2 Beers” McCallister (@Tommy_2_Beers) May 6, 2025
8.
Do you think there’s an amount of money the Vatican would accept to let you use the Conclave chimney to do a gender reveal
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) May 8, 2025
9.
It’s so rude when you touch your cat and they immediately start cleaning themselves like excuse me only one of us uses actual soap and it’s not you
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 3, 2025
10.
OMG, what's the lovely @mrdanwalker done to deserve this? pic.twitter.com/5rJ0GqBfW1
— Beverly Macca CBA (@BeverlyMacca1) May 7, 2025
11.
When someone tells you their new baby's name, just say "I love it!" and try not to think of the dog you know with the same name.
— Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon) May 7, 2025
12.
“he’ll yes” is an insane thing for my iPhone to keep thinking I wanna say
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 7, 2025