You don’t need to have worked in a shop to appreciate these hilarious tales of the weird stuff customers do but it will help
Here’s a rather lovely thing from back in the day, a wonderful insight into the joys (and otherwise – very much otherwise) of working in a shop that all began when @fairycakes shared their memories of working in HMV.
11 years ago I worked in a HMV store and it still remains one of the most surreal employments I’ve ever had. Here are some of the highlights:
— Laura (@fairycakes) August 30, 2019
There was an old man who came in every week asking where the adult DVDs were. Every time you showed him, he’d grab his chest, yelp and pretend to faint, all in a desperate attempt to get one of the female members of staff to give him mouth to mouth.
— Laura (@fairycakes) August 30, 2019
A colleague called in one day to say his mum had died. Rightfully so, they gave him time off with pay so he could grieve. Except one day an angry woman came in demanding to see the manager – it was this guy’s very alive mum asking why they weren’t scheduling her son on the rota
— Laura (@fairycakes) August 30, 2019
Another woman came in and asked if we had High School Musical 3 on DVD. I said it was only on cinema release and wouldn’t be available to buy until next year. She grabbed my collar, pulled my face an inch from hers, looked me dead in the eyes, and said “shitbrain”
— Laura (@fairycakes) August 30, 2019
One day a bloke came in wearing a pair of sunglasses claiming he was Paul Weller. He asked if he could have a selection of CDs by The Jam for free as he’d misplaced his copies
— Laura (@fairycakes) August 30, 2019
A man tried to get a refund on a Tom and Jerry boxset because the storylines were “repetitive”
— Laura (@fairycakes) August 30, 2019
One woman knocked down a shelving unit of Cheryl Cole books and calendars because she said she had “the face of a bitch”
— Laura (@fairycakes) August 30, 2019
As well as going wildly viral, her stories prompted people to share some all-time classic retail moments of their own. Here are our very favourites which still make us chuckle today.
1.
We used to get calls ALL the time asking when XXX was ‘being released’ only to realise, after much checking of the ‘new release’ lists, they thought they’d rung the local prison. Turns out directory enquires could hear the difference between “HMV Preston” and “HMP Preston”.
— JanettoCornetto (@janettocornetto) August 30, 2019
2.
These are gold but if you wanna see the dark side of retail I challenge anyone to go work in a SPAR or LONDIS. Then you’ll see some serious shit.
— DADGEEK (@dadgeekuk) August 30, 2019
When I started, my new boss showed me the panic button. He then informed me it didn’t work because it was too expensive to get it connected.
— DADGEEK (@dadgeekuk) August 30, 2019
When I asked what I was supposed to do in case of trouble he showed me a baseball bat.
His instructions were “Make sure you pop em hard in the face. Don’t swing it or you’ll kill ’em”.
— DADGEEK (@dadgeekuk) August 30, 2019
There was also a time when a drunken marital dispute spilled over into the shop. The woman was covered in blue paint, thrown by her husband.
She bought two scratchcards and left.
— DADGEEK (@dadgeekuk) August 30, 2019
Another time a pair of teenagers tried to steal sweets but were terrible at it. One of them tried to walk out of the shop with Blackjacks literally pissing out the bottom of his trouser legs.
His mate had hidden an entire, still wrapped, Fry’s Turkish Delight inside his mouth.
— DADGEEK (@dadgeekuk) August 30, 2019
3.
I knew a girl who worked in Jessops and a regular train spotter used to have his photos printed. All the shots were of trains, except the last frame, in each roll which was always a photo of his knob. This went on for years.
— FutureFilm (@futurefilm1) August 30, 2019
4.
I worked in Virgin Megastores for 2 years and can relate to every single story. We had a man come in claiming to be David Bowie’s brother who wanted Lost Boxsets for free. A woman fake a heart attack when we were closing at 6 on X Mas Eve then tried to buy a wii game
— Nick (@ColossusNick) August 30, 2019
5.
I still work for hmv now. My favourite ever request was an old lady asking my if we had any ‘Plastic Dominoes’. After about 10 minutes intensive detective work it turned out she wanted the new ‘Placido Domingo’ album.
— simon finbow (@simonfinbow) August 30, 2019
6.
Tower Records Glasgow, someone shat in a carrier bag and left it in the staff area. I’m guessing it was a colleague. Also, someone once asked for the “negro” section, she meant the reggae section.
— John Doh (@lidlmix) August 30, 2019
7.
I too worked in HMV so I recognise your plight, but my time in WHSmith beat it for me! An old lady punched my manager in the face because the Candle In The Wind single for Diana was sold out.
— James Beckley (@mrjimbecks) August 30, 2019
8.
Glasgow Argyle St store. A man comes in and asks where our carpets are.
“Sorry. We don’t sell carpets.”
“Naw mate. You definitely do. Are they no upstairs?”
“We don’t have an upstairs.”
Man gets fed up and goes to ask another more helpful staff member. Good luck with that.
— Paul McLauchlan (@astro_pol) August 30, 2019