You don’t need to have worked in a shop to appreciate these hilarious tales of the weird stuff customers do but it will help
9.
Brilliant. When I was manager of Tottenham Ct Rd’s Our Price I managed to “lose” 300 x copies of the no 1 record in the charts by Phil Collins. The area mgr found them in a dusty corner in the basement. He demoted me immediately to asst mgr. Next day i joined Cocteau Twins. Life.
— mrsimonraymonde (@mrsimonraymonde) August 31, 2019
10.
Excellent stuff, surfing a Friday night wave of nostalgia for my 90’s stint with Nipper. I can think of many stories, but there was a bloke who used to come into the Preston shop who was universally known as Colonel K after the character in Danger Mouse. He was always pissed…
— Michael Apter (@Michael_Apter) August 30, 2019
… never bought anything, but was a huge fan of the German band Yello, who had a massive hit with ‘The Race’. His party trick was to beg us to play it, then piss his pants in the shop when that track peaked, whilst shouting ‘Pee on me, Dieter’ at the top of his voice.
— Michael Apter (@Michael_Apter) August 30, 2019
11.
Once worked in a Sports Shop in the early noughties where a xmas temp was sacked for selling a £120 jacket to somebody who paid with fake banknotes that had Scooby Doo on instead of the queen.
— Craig O’Donovan (@odonovan_craig) August 31, 2019
12.
I loved this so much! It reminded me of my student days working at B&Q 18 years ago.
1. Children would fairly regularly do actual poos in the display toilets.
— Chris Miller (@WindyCOYS) August 31, 2019
2. A customer once changed her baby on top of the rug display. Later, my colleague and friend was asked to move some rugs and got baby poo all over his hand.
3. This isn’t all going to be about poo, honest.— Chris Miller (@WindyCOYS) August 31, 2019
4. One of my colleagues had to make an Easter Sunday announcement about a lawnmower sale and in an act of defiance he started the announcement with ‘Good afternoon to our customers; Jesus died on the cross to bring you…’.
— Chris Miller (@WindyCOYS) August 31, 2019
5. I would see a physical fight at least monthly. One time, a lady had stolen something on a busy Sunday & another customer had stopped her leaving. During the kerfuffle the thief somehow ended up at the tills, breathless, with one breast hanging out as we waited for the police.
— Chris Miller (@WindyCOYS) August 31, 2019
6. During quiet times, the Easter Sunday announcer colleague would organise cricket down the wood aisle with planks of wood and a ball of string. Until one day the string hit a customer in the face.
— Chris Miller (@WindyCOYS) August 31, 2019
7. As a 17yo student I was put in charge of tens of thousands of pounds in the cash office. I used to juggle with £1,000 bundles of £20 notes, and one time I got caught by the Securicor man making a huge tower out of the bundles.
— Chris Miller (@WindyCOYS) August 31, 2019
8. A colleague once asked me if I could cover her till because her hands smelt like penis and she needed to wash them before a customer noticed. I put gloves on before I touched any of the keys.
— Chris Miller (@WindyCOYS) August 31, 2019
9. A code 100 meant there was a thief. All staff had to run to the front to try to block the exit. It was always *mayhem*. A code 150 was ‘suspected thief’. These were my favourite: I used to pretend I was a detective & practiced some prettttttty impressive police work.
— Chris Miller (@WindyCOYS) August 31, 2019
13.
I worked at Sainsbury’s on the Customer Service desk. One day an older lady returned a black jacket for a refund & I politely asked if there was anything wrong with it, her response… “No hen, I bought it to wear to a funeral but then the person didnt die” She got her refund
— Sarah Davidson (@sarahd3025) August 31, 2019
14.
As a HMV veteran I can vouch for all this.
Highlight for me was a member of staff kicking a toilet cubicle door in whilst doing an impression of an ape. The manager was on the toilet.
— future pharaoh (@DirtDawg69) August 30, 2019
15.
Working at GAME in the early 2000s, my manager went to the toilet clearly very hungover. As I was walking past I heard what sounded like a clap and a scream.
I don’t know what the medical term is but he had literally ruptured his arsehole. Had to be taken to hospital.
— DADGEEK (@dadgeekuk) August 30, 2019
16.
I worked at a stereo shop and was showing a guy a high end system.
When I told him what it cost, he said, “I don’t need all that, I’m not much of a pedophile”
I suggested that the term he might be meaning to use was “audiophile”……
— Eddie Muddy (@thugsRbadMK) August 31, 2019
17.
The opposite of this is working in CarpetRight where exactly nothing happens.
— Graham Smith ️ (@GrahamSmith_) August 30, 2019
In short …
I’ve worked in retail for years and have seen all kinds of nonsense. This thread is brilliant.
— Gail Myerscough (@GailMyerscough) August 30, 2019
Oh, and this.
It should be obligatory for everyone to work in retail for a week before graduating as an adult. My time at the coal face has given me the kind of appreciation for my fellow man that can’t be bought
— Cycle Tiger (@CycleTiger1) August 30, 2019
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This woman’s stories of what it’s really like to work at HMV are simply fabulous