Round Ups Bluesky funny religion
The predicted Rapture didn’t happen, and we’re shocked …shocked, we tell you! 24 absolutely heavenly comments
Once again, the Evangelicals have got their calculations wrong, with a predicted Tuesday Rapture simply not turning up.
Still no rapture? I was promised the rapture!
— Molly Jong-Fast (@mollyjongfast.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Oh, well – there’s always next time. Of course, people had some funny things to say about it all – and these Bluesky posts are all God tier.
1.
what happens in the rapture if you're indoors do you just ascend to the ceiling and then claw your way to a window
— Mutable Joe (@mutablejoe.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 8:51 PM
2.
Accidentally raptured into heaven with all the evangelicals and somehow one of them has already set up the worst barbecue place imaginable. There's a banner out front where the illustration depicts a pig that has a goatee and is wearing a handgun in a holster. Everything tastes like corn syrup.
— David_j_roth (@davidjroth.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 5:27 AM
3.
just had an email saying the Rapture will be delivered by Yodel, so it'll be late
— Toby Earle (@tobyontv.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 10:03 AM
4.
If the Rapture only happened to people who believe it is a real thing, this would be a much more pleasant and sane country to live in.
— Mrs. Betty Bowers (@mrsbettybowers.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 1:06 AM
5.
ATTENTION PARENTS: is your child texting about the Rapture? KNOW THE SIGNS:
LOL: left on land
WTF: where’s the family
ROFL: rapture only for losers
OMG: oh ma geddon— born miserable (@bornmiserable.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 7:16 AM
6.
omg omg i think im being raptured nope just stood up too quickly oof nvm
— kattsdogma.bsky.social (@kattsdogma.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 10:42 AM
7.
Me after you all get raptured.
— Aaron Meyers (@aaronmeyers.bsky.social) September 22, 2025 at 2:09 PM
8.
In the Buddhist version of the Rapture you stay where you are and get restored to factory settings.
— Paul Bassett Davies (@thewritertype.bsky.social) September 22, 2025 at 11:19 PM
9.
So for the next Rapture I'm going to go to the most religious town in America and leave little piles of clothes outside random houses before everyone wakes up.
— General Boles (@generalboles.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 8:43 PM
10.
If you get raptured in the middle of having diarrhea, how's that work? Are you spewing either physical or spectral diarrhea over the whole neighbourhood on your way up?
I was raised by atheists, they never taught me this stuff.
— Mary Gillis (@marygillis.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 2:10 AM
11.
Let me know if you are expecting to get raptured so I can feed your cats.
— Cats of Yore (@catsofyore.bsky.social) September 23, 2025 at 5:41 AM
12.
*getting raptured* this could have been an e m a i l