People shared the most mortifying things their brains ever did on autopilot – 23 hilarious times our synapses left us hanging

There are some things we do without consciously thinking about them that are vital, like breathing. And there are some things we do without consciously thinking about them that are practical, like driving a car.

But there are some things we do without thinking about them that are utterly stupid, or at the very least, highly comical.

Over on the AskUK subreddit, SubtractAd shared their own experience of cognitive disengagement, to use the technical term…

‘What’s the most mortifying thing your brain has done on autopilot?’

And here’s how they kicked things off.

‘A few years ago, I was given a free sample of fabric conditioner in the Arndale Shopping Centre in Manchester. Without even looking, I thought it was a probiotic yoghurt drink and proceeded to start drinking it. Things only got worse when I started drinking water.

‘I had to go to the drop in centre. I wasn’t well. I was mortified having to explain to the Arndale staff and a nurse what happened and I’d downed some Comfort.

‘For obvious reasons, I don’t tell this story very often. In hindsight, I can see why people were laughing at me.’

Ooft. Luckily, lots of other ridiculous people chipped in with their own stories, like these…

1.

‘I thought a lady on a till was gonna ask me if I wanted a receipt. She didn’t. She said “Have a good day”. I still said “No thanks”.

‘Didn’t even correct myself, just walked away in shame.’
–lovemycat02

2.

‘I was working as a trainee pastry chef in London, very long hours, very little sleep. I took the train into work, as I was walking through London Bridge I heard them announcing my train home.

‘I rushed to get on the train before I missed it. Took the train all the way back home, climbed into bed and passed out.

‘The phone woke me up a few hours later, it was work wondering where I was. I was so out of it and confused, I didn’t realise I hadn’t actually gone to work. They let me have the day off, I slept all day and all night.’
–GirlMcGirlface

3.

‘Mine is rather mild. Bought an outfit from AllSaints. Needed a bit of assistance with sizes and the whole affair was long and drawn out. Sales assistant that helped me put my items through the till and I paid.

‘As I was collecting my purchase and turned to go he said “Thanks, Love you”. Clearly a slip of the tongue.

‘Instead of laughing it off like a normal person, I automatically replied ‘Love you too”.

‘The annoying thing is that the sales assistant had the cheek to look creeped out, as if he hadn’t just made the same fuck up. Gahh, it is why I prefer to shop online.’
–OohRahMaki

4.

‘Going to bed, exhausted. Phone in one hand, glass of water in the other. Go to throw my phone on to the bed. Throw the glass of water instead. Sleep on floor.’
–PmMeLowCarbRecipes

5.

‘I used to work in a call centre. I spoke on automatic pilot for several sections of my calls. The second to last thing that I had to say was ‘Is there anything else I can help with?’

‘One day I rang a campsite and booked a pitch. Paid over the phone. All good. Then I said ‘Is there anything else I can help with?’ The guy in all seriousness said ‘Well I don’t know, what do you have in mind?’ Omg I nearly died. He was cracking up!’
–nitnitnotnot

6.

‘Spent all day on the phone to estate agents when I was arranging a day of viewings. Alot of “thanks” and “perfect” throughout the conversation.

‘The last phone call of the day, my tired brain went to say “perfect, thanks, bye”. Instead it went “PANTS! Bye”. There was a pause whilst we both processed. But then I just tiredly hung up.’
–Straight_Ad_6141

7.

‘I did a similar one at the end of a Teams meeting with an external person and ended the call with “Lovely, thank you to meet you”.’
–Fweetheart

8.

‘Absentmindedly licked the spoon after dishing up my cats wet food. More disgusting than mortifying!’
–WhiskyKitten

9.

‘Probably not the most but merging ‘no worries’ and ‘my pleasure’ into ‘no pleasure!’ With a smile after I’ve served someone.’
–angry2320

10.

‘Told the estate agent that I loved him. In an email! Not even casually at the end of a phone call by accident, but at the end of an email!’
–BiscuitCrumbsInBed

11.

‘Changed jobs and answered a phone at my new job in healthcare saying ‘lingerie department’ which confused the elderly gentlemen on the other end of the line.’
–Euphoric-Ad8233

12.

‘I suddenly feel a bit better about the time I boiled a pan of pasta, then tried to drain the water into the bin.’
–DoctorOctagonapus