The 25 funniest Twitter jokes about Christmas
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas: there are lights blinking incessantly in every street, the shops are well stocked with booze, toys and cheese platters and people feel justified in wearing the ugliest jumpers known to man. And over on Twitter, they’re sharing their thoughts on the festive season.
Read the funniest 25.
1.
Source: @rablivingstone
2.
Source: @Jason_Spacey
3.
3yo is asking Santa for a pet baby unicorn. I'm gonna need a dog and a cornetto.
— Ruthe Phoenixmas (@RuthePhoenix) November 12, 2016
4.
Source: @robmanuel
5.
Other than buying presents, decorating, or feeling joyful in any way, I'm ready for Christmas!
— Jake Vig (@Jake_Vig) December 6, 2016
6.
Father Christmas isn't very attractive in sunshine, but he's dashing through the snow.
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) December 6, 2016
7.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,
But the very next day,
My lack of formal surgical training became very apparent.— James Martin (@Pundamentalism) December 5, 2016
8.
*Nazareth 2000 years ago*
Mary: Did you lock the door?
Joseph: YES
Mary: Did you book the hotel?
Joseph: IT'LL BE FINE, GET ON THE DONKEY— Andy Murray (@mrsbiltawulf) November 11, 2016
9.
I've circled all the good stuff in the Argos catalogue, so at least the kids will think they'll be having a decent Xmas.
— Paul (@bingowings14) November 6, 2016
10.
He's making a list
Checking it twice
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice
Santa Claus is in contravention of the Data Protection Act (1998)— joe (@mutablejoe) December 6, 2016
11.
Source: @Mr_Mike_Clarke
12.
My decision to leave the Christmas lights up all year has paid off once again.
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) December 3, 2016
13.
Source: @TheCatWhisprer
14.
I am so skint I'm roasting a £5 note for Christmas this year.
— Jason (@NickMotown) December 3, 2016
15.
My parents getting me walkie talkies for christmas one year was the worst thing about being an only child
— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) December 8, 2016
16.
We Wish You A Merry Christmas is my favorite because it's like 'I hope you have a good holiday now give me some pudding or I'm not leaving'.
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) December 4, 2016
18.
Source: @JamesFl
19.
Me: Christmas is Jesus' birthday.
4-year-old: What should I get him?
Me: You could be nice to your sisters.
4: I'll get him a hat.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 6, 2016
20.
Theresa May is right to say we should feel free to celebrate Xmas. If only every single shop and person ever would put up some decorations.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 1, 2016
21.
Only 2 more UKIP leaders til Christmas.
— Trudolph (@Trudski2012) November 28, 2016
22.
Once again the staff in Tesco are wearing Christmas jumpers, Santa hats and the looks of people who want every customer dead.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 6, 2016
23.
Source: @comedylopez
24.
"People are too easily offended nowadays"
"Happy Holidays!"
"IT'S MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU SON OF A BITCH I WILL BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE"— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) November 30, 2016
25.
Why are people so shocked about how quickly Christmas is coming round? It's been on the cards for ages.
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) December 6, 2016
And, while this one from @tdawks doesn’t actually mention Christmas, it’s clearly a seasonal problem.
Source: @tdawks