This NSFW Fifty Shades-style poem absolutely nails Brexit
London-based Belgian writer, Elise Wouters, has written a poem for Brexit and it’s a bit racier than anything we’ve seen so far. She’s even recited it for us – which is nice.
I had fun writing this poem on #Brexit… pic.twitter.com/mkY6WHPlX3
— Elise (@elisewouters) January 16, 2019
“Give me a hard Brexit
I want a Brussels on its knees Brexit
Keen on a fifty shades of please Brexit
A lock me up, Boris, and throw away the keys BrexitThey say tensions are mounting
I’m up for the pound taking a pounding
No longer Europe’s little tease Brexit
Maybe we should see other nations
Quite like the sound of some Atlantic flirtations
Only need the odd Spanish vacation
I’m ready for my next exotic squeeze BrexitI’ll tighten my borders, my own needs come first
The fruits of your cheap labour no longer quench my thirst
My article 50 lies spread-eagled on the table
I swear, after this break-up, I’ll be strong and stableI’ll subsidise with little white lies
Rule Britannia with bedroom eyes
I’ll have my cake and eat yours too
As long as you know there’s no jumping this queueSo darling, auf wiedersehen, gracias, merci,
Our free trade was first rate
But I’m sure there’s plenty more fish in the seaBut then, it’s 4AM, I’m staring at old texts
I’m missing your French kisses; I’m wondering what is next
The only thing I know is that I can’t quite call it quits
Hey Europe babe, miss you, let’s be friends with benefits”
Makes a refreshing change from all the amicable divorce and cancelling gym membership talk. In an interview with Indy100, she said
“After the referendum vote, I noticed that a lot of the rhetoric surrounding Brexit was loaded with potential double meanings, so I started playing around with the language. May’s ‘strong and stable’ sounded like a mate in the middle of a messy break-up proudly declaring that they’re absolutely fine, while you know they’re kidding themselves and were just sobbing in the bathroom a minute ago.
This format of this erotic / ironic flirtation felt like the perfect approach for me to tackle Brexit. The sadomasochist tendencies of Leave campaigners provided a great source of inspiration as well.”
The poem has gone down very well.
*mops brow*
— Previously Yelled About Politics (@YellsOnPolitics) January 17, 2019
This was sexy and I learnt something too? Incredible!
— Fuzzy (@fuzzyrants) January 17, 2019
Can’t believe she didn’t have gammon with that breakfast, though.
H/T: Indy100