These bedtime questions from a 6-year-old are hilariously surreal
Most parents are all too familiar with the “asking stuff to put off having to go to sleep” ploy used by a lot of kids, and we’re very grateful to author Kate Bowler for sharing some examples from her son.
They’re an absolute delight, in an endearingly baffling way.
Every night, in the sweetest voice, my six year old asks me a question in order to try and stall me from leaving. I commit to documenting these questions every night for the next 30 days because THAT KID HAS GAME.
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 2, 2020
Here are the edited highlights.
1. Pumpkin seeds
Tonight: Mom…..mom…mom? Mom. Ok, mom. Have you ever eaten a pumpkin? COME BACK. Mom. Have you ever eaten pumpkin seeds? MOM WHAT DO THEY TASTE LIKE!!!!!!!!!
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 2, 2020
2. Raccoons and missing eyes
Me: Goodnight sweetie.
Him: Mom?
Me: no. I love you but no.
Him: Are raccoons awake right now? Mom. They can’t kill you. MOM. They don’t have sharp enough teeth. MOM COME BACK HAVE YOU SEEN THEM IT IS SAFE I AM NOT AFRAID— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 4, 2020
He just yelled “DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH ONE EYE?” into the darkness.
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 4, 2020
3. Hair and accordions
Night 3
Boy: Okay mom. Goodnight. Mom, why do you have so much hair? Okay, night. Why is hair made of cylinders? MOM. I want to learn the a-cord-on. A-cordial? ACCORDION. IT GOES LIKE THIS [frantically mimes accordion playing] MOM COME BACK ACCORDIONS ARE MADE OF BEES
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 5, 2020
4. Cheese, Google and God
Him: goodnight mom. Love you.
Me: love you (leaves)
Him: (next room) Mom? Is cheese funny? I think it is. I only like STRING cheese. …Mom? Mom. MOM. IS GOOGLE A PERSON?AND WAS GOD EVER BORN?!???
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 6, 2020
5. Is Dad a ghost pirate?
Me: I love you so much. Goodnight sweetie.
Him: does Dad have a job?
Me: yes.
Him: as a ghost pirate?
Me: not exactly
Him: right right right. That was a long time ago. When you were a kid. In the Civil Wars.
Me: goodnight lovie
Him: a long, long, long, long..
Me: GOODNIGHT— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 7, 2020
6. Growing a lizard
Him: I don't have a question.
Me: Oh! Okay! Goodnight lovie.
Him: But I put something in the sink.
Me: Wait, what?
Him: I found it outside. It's part of a lizard tail. By tomorrow, it will grow back into a lizard.
Me: ….I see your logic.— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 10, 2020
7. Snakes, ogres and trolls
Him: (praying) and thank you God for snakes, Amen.
Me: Goodnight sweetie.
Him: But what is the difference between an ogre and a troll?
….
Him: Are you not answering because you don't believe in Big Foot?
….
Him: (whispering) ….because he is *reaaaaaaaaaaall*— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 16, 2020
8. The derivation of ‘library’
Me: you did a great job reading. Night love.
Him: why do they call it a li-bary? (library)
Me: night sweetie
Him: Because people lieeeeeeeeeee…. they lie about the li-bary?
Him: MOM COME BACK WHY ARE THEY LYING? ARE THEY LYING ABOUT THE BOOKS OR WHAT?!?
— Kate Bowler (@KatecBowler) April 18, 2020
