Osborne unveils new plan to regenerate sterling

BUDGET SPECIAL: Facing criticism that the proposed VAT rise could damage high street spending, Chancellor George Osborne has announced plans to “sex up” the economy with a newly-designed one pound coin. In a speech delivered to the House of Commons, he declared that the coin “symbolises the need for a sensual relationship with money, something we lost under the previous Labour government.” He went on to argue that consumers have “shrivelled in fear” during the recession, and that the new coin will promote “a renewed sense of pride.”

Talking this morning on BBC Radio 4’s The Today Programme, the Chancellor insisted that the new coin would play a key role in Britain’s economic recovery. “When the budget comes into effect, even if you do wind up having less money in your pocket, at least now when you take that money out of your pocket and have a look at it, you will now get what we economists call ‘fiscal stimulus’. Yet another example of how this coalition government is leaving the  the old, boring politics far behind.” Responding to suggestions that the new coin was a “gimmick” Osborne replied, “It is essential that we all do our part to stimulate the economy right where it needs it, as soon as possible, and then keep on stimulating it, again and again. This new coin is crucial to that. Remember this is going to be a double dip recession. Perhaps multiple dips. We must stimulate the economy hard and long. Pound, pound, pound. We must all just keep on pounding.”