Chilean miners discover Arthur Scargill, alive and well

There were frantic scenes this morning at Camp Hope, both above and below ground, as news spread about the discovery of another miner.

 “We had discovered an entranceway to a hidden shaft,” explained Emilio Rodriguez, 42, by video link, “so we decided to investigate. Suddenly we saw a strange chrysalis pulsating with light. When we touched it, it dissolved and there was Mr. Scargill. ‘Is this England?’ he said. ‘No,’ we said, ‘this is Chile’. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘Oh shit.’”

The fantastic images of the former NUM leader with the Chilean miners were soon beamed around the world, but it was perhaps here in Britain where they caused the most surprise.

“I’m not surprised,” said new Labour leader, Ed Miliband. “If the government subject this country to harsh and unnecessary austerity measures that favour the rich, then strikes and social unrest are inevitable, and that means the re-emergence of figures like Arthur Scargill.”

Mr. Scargill himself refused to comment on what he had been doing down a Chilean mine shaft for thirty years, except to say, “my time has come again. I shall wait for rescue with my brother miners and then I am heading home.”

Asked what he thought of the present Conservative leadership in comparison to Mrs Thatcher, Mr. Scargill laughed manically for a full five minutes. “Like I said,” he gasped eventually, wiping the tears from his eyes, “my time has come.”