Star Wars 3D? Ghost of Alec Guinness tells Lucas: ‘Let it go, George’

Following announcement that Star Wars creator George Lucas intends to capitalise on Hollywood’s hysterical enthusiasm for 3D cinema technology by re-releasing all six films in 3D from 2012, assembled press were stunned by the sight of what appeared to be the ghost of Oscar-winning actor Alec Guinness trying to convince him to stop.

The late Sir Alec, star of films such as Kind Hearts And Coronets, The Lavender Hill Mob, Bridge On The River Kwai and so many others he’d rather talk about, was spotted looming in the background begging the director to call it a day, apparently to deaf ears.

“You’ve had a good run, but it’s time to put away childish things,” the chilling apparition whispered to Lucas. “There are only so many times you can polish a turd. Phantom Menace should have been a warning to you. This 3D thing is just a fad, George… the forced is strong with this one.”

Conspiracy theorists among industry media are peddling rumours of a private game between Lucas and Bladerunner director Ridley Scott to see who can get Harrison Ford paid the most times for a single job.

“Ridley has the lead with four for Deckard,” said Carl Newman of Variety, “it’ll take some work for George to pass that – maybe he can do another version where everything he put in for the remastered versions is taken out again, for purists who still want the 3D experience – but with less of that ludicrous Sy Snootles breaking the fourth wall. That would put them neck and neck.”

“All I know is Han had better shoot Greedo first this time,” an irritated fan told The Poke. “there’s nothing worse than total immersion historical revisionism.”