Phil Mitchell’s Austrian cellar

Soap News: With the furore over Eastenders’ cot death storyline showing no signs of abating, TV bosses today faced another public outcry as details emerged of an even more controversial plot: Phil Mitchell’s Austrian cellar.

Script notes and emails leaked to the press reveal Phil’s been keeping Austrian-style kids in an Austrian-style cellar since he joined the show in 1990.

While charities and Mumsnet labeled the cot death story a ‘cynical ploy to get ratings’, the emails reveal that BBC execs wholeheartedly agree.

“Of course all our plots are a cynical ploy to get ratings,” says one. “Without such ploys, the shows would just be about people with bunions or how awkward it is to be on Facebook when you’re in the bath.”

With this latest row erupting before the story has even been aired, Phil Mitchell’s Austrian cellar is destined to dwarf the cot death scandal as thousands of complaints have already flooded into the BBC.

“The enormous media coverage for our flagship drama is, of course, regrettable,” said BBC controller Mark Thompson, “but Phil Mitchell kidnapping kids and keeping them in a cellar for over twenty years is entirely in keeping with the show’s proud history of tackling difficult issues – like the ups and downs of running a local pub, or the clever way to murder someone.”