Suicide bomber’s payslip found in back of cab

Terror News: Despite the recent downgrading of the terror alert from ‘bloody frightening’ to ‘bloody awful’, disturbing evidence of the ongoing threat as London counts down to the Olympics emerged today – with the discovery of a suicide bomber’s PAYE slip in the back of a London taxi.

suicide bomber's payslip found in back of cabDetailing a chilling reduction of 3 virgins for national insurance, 6.5 virgins for pension contributions and a whopping 14.81 virgins in agency fees, the unnamed suicide bomber is left with a paltry 0.19 virgins net after tax.

It’s enough to make anyone turn to violence,” said Chief Inspector Mark Shawcross, “the suspect is now in custody, where we can legally hold him for 28 days before he sees an accountant.”

This shocking insight into the fiscal reality of Britain’s suicide bombers during the current economic hardships was discovered in the back of cab – the SAME cab where the Lib Dem dossier was discovered during the 2010 election as well as a series of other sensitive items including a CD of secret MI5 files and a VHS of NHS data.

I can’t believe it’s happened again,” gasped cabbie Bob Forelock. “Things just keep appearing. The only rational explanation I can give is that I took Paul Daniels to Heathrow in 1998. Some of that magic dust must have leaked out of his bum.”