Andy Coulson to take over as FIFA president
Sports News: The international governing body of football announced today that they have appointed a new ‘completely trustworthy’ president to take over from Sepp Blatter.
The decision has reportedly been approved by Blatter himself, who described Coulson as “a great team player as well as an expert in all aspects of bribery and lying, making him the perfect fit for FIFA”, adding that he is also “keen to get the phone number of Coulson’s lawyers”.
FIFA says it is keen to move forward from recent scandals and restore the good name of the association.
“Andy has a terrific reputation for journalistic integrity and it’s this honesty and strong moral character that we need,” said a spokesman.
“We hope he will use these skills to guide FIFA through this difficult time and back to the glorious gravy train days before everyone knew exactly what a group of corrupt, oily, bung-taking shitweasels we are.”