People are sharing preposterous “British Values” to take the piss out of this Young Conservative group
Activate Britain is the Tories answer to Momentum and describes itself as “a united platform for young conservatives and returning power to the grassroots.”
The return of that much loved comedy staple – the Young Conservatives – hooray!
They’re asking people to list “British Values” and rather predictable it’s going very badly indeed, but their failure is our comedy win.
https://twitter.com/ActivateBritain/status/962601400944513024
Here’s 17 of the best British Values.
1. Colonialism
Exploring the world, discovering new cultures, meeting fascinating new people and then killing them & nicking all their best stuff.
— Ally Fogg (@AllyFogg) February 12, 2018
2. Vacuum cleaners
Selling my kids futures down the drain, selling off the state assets in a big fire sale, ensuring my generation can’t buy a house, ensuring the baby boomers protect their wealth, killing the NHS. Dyson Vacuum cleaners are cool and British though I guess.
— Worst Mate (@WorstMate) February 11, 2018
3. Talking about the weather
Chipping the ice off the inside of the windows in the morning and saying, "Turned out nice again".
— Sandeha Lynch #FBPE #WATON (@sandehalynch) February 13, 2018
4. Laughing at ourselves
Laughing at ourselves, which is fortunate as so is everyone else.
— Batley (@BatleyBKK) February 11, 2018
5. Avoiding embarrassment
1. Pressing on with something we'd rather we hadn't started because of the sheer embarrassment of having to admit we've made a mistake.
— Matthew Hardy (@drmatthewhardy) February 12, 2018
6. Sarcasm
Giving a polite round of applause when someone drops the crockery.
— Russ 🇪🇺 (@Russell_CNX) February 13, 2018
7. Scraping and bowing
Toadying to the upper class.
— Howard. Hutch. (@nolittleman) February 11, 2018
8. Read what it spells out…
Friendliness
Understanding
Compassion
Kind-heartedness
Trustworthiness
Hopefulness
Empathy
Tenacity
Open-mindedness
Resourcefulness
Inclusiveness
Enthusiasm
Selflessness
— Space Bee (@SpaceBeeInSpace) February 11, 2018
9. The delicious cuisine
Oh, and Greggs sausage rolls.
— Posthuman (@posthuman) February 11, 2018
10. The fine cars
Source: @MikeBevan_RG
11. Lists
I’ve thought a lot about “British values” since they were firsted mooted, and I can only identify three. 1. Forming an orderly queue. 2. Buying drinks in rounds. 3. Getting out of the bath to have a pee.
— Will (@Will81894756) February 13, 2018
12. The gammony colour some of us go on holidays
Sunburn
— Mardy #FBPE (@MardyBloke) February 13, 2018
13. Our national obsession with World War 2
Harping on about WW2 – because it takes National Socialism to make Brits look like history's good guys.
— Lili Lapins (@LapinsLili) February 12, 2018
14. Snot games
Flicking bogeys when no one’s looking.
— Ian Young (@youngian67) February 12, 2018
15. More colonialism
https://twitter.com/MikeStuchbery_/status/962991821570887681
16. Good old Limmy joining in…
https://twitter.com/DaftLimmy/status/962761494948610049
17. And our ability to bounce back
https://twitter.com/joekennedy81/status/962750928423092226
Well done everyone! We enjoyed that.