This woman’s stories went viral because they don’t end how you fear they might
A writer called Maura Quint has made a powerful point about consent by sharing three stories which don’t end the way you fear they might.
It comes at a time when thousands of women are using social media to share their harrowing experiences of sexual assault.
Here is what she had to say in a thread which was shared thousands of times online.
1.
I want to tell a story: Once in high school, I felt insecure, I put on a tight top too low cut and dark lipstick I didn't usually wear. I went to a party drank terrible wine coolers, too many of them. A man asked me if I wanted to leave, I slurred, said maybe. He said "maybe"?
— maura quint (@behindyourback) September 29, 2018
2.
And then he said "maybe isn't yes" and I went home that night, un-assaulted, because I hadn't talked to a rapist at that party.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) 29 September 2018
3.
Another story: I went out drinking with girl friends at a bar a few years later. I was flirting with a guy there, he grabbed my hand, pulled me outside, into an alley, he kissed me hard and then looked at me and said, "yes?" I didn't say anything.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) 29 September 2018
4.
He said "go back inside then," maybe he was annoyed but he meant it, I went back inside. There wasn't a rapist at that bar.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) 29 September 2018
5.
One time a guy and I had flirted, he invited me to his room, I went we kissed, I said I liked it, he took off his clothes, I touched him, he tried to take off my clothes, I resisted, he said "seems like you're not into this" I said, ehhh, he said, no, it's only fun if you want it
— maura quint (@behindyourback) 29 September 2018
6.
I said, I'm sorry, he said it's ok. I left, unmolested. I was lucky, I hadn't met a rapist that night.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) 29 September 2018
7.
I've been assaulted. I've also been not assaulted. The difference didn't seem to be what I was wearing, how flirty I was, how much I was drinking. The only difference seemed to be whether or not the men felt it was ok or not to assault.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) 29 September 2018
And it prompted people to share similar stories with her.
1.
In uni, went out for drinks w/ friend. She drank too much, asked me to walk her home. She kept mumbling, "Don't have sex with me, please don't have sex with me."
— Christopher Ruz (@ruzkin) 29 September 2018
At the time (young, innocent, stupid) I couldn't comprehend the past pain or trauma that would make someone feel like they had to warn platonic friends not to assault them.
The decade since then has taught me so much.— Christopher Ruz (@ruzkin) 29 September 2018
Story concludes with me tucking her into bed with a Powerade and a night light & me sleeping on the couch, but that shouldn't have to be a goddamn twist ending.
— Christopher Ruz (@ruzkin) 29 September 2018
2.
When I was 25 I went to a house party with my roomy & a guy I had recently started dating. Hours later my guy and I had decided consensually to go back to my place. Looked for my roomy to tell her we were leaving and make sure she had a ride … 1/
— Kristina_Why (@Kristina_Why) 29 September 2018
found her upstairs, very drunk with a guy I knew she didn’t like. My guy became infuriated and insisted we get her out of there and we subsequently spent the night taking care of her together. 2/
— Kristina_Why (@Kristina_Why) 29 September 2018
He willingly gave up a “sure thing” to help out my friend because #NotaRapist
We’ve been married for almost 15 years. ❤️ fin/— Kristina_Why (@Kristina_Why) 29 September 2018
3.
Just recently I was being uncomfortably followed by a man I didn’t know on a bike while I was just trying to enjoy some alone time walking by the river in my town. When I told this to my brother, he recounted a story that happens to him often. When he finds himself walking…
— Amy (@amy_feels) 29 September 2018
behind any woman walking alone he always makes sure lets her know someone is behind her that isn’t threatening by taking out his phone and pretends to have a conversation “hi, I’m almost home…” or he crosses the street to create some distance. More proof that there are some…
— Amy (@amy_feels) 29 September 2018
guys out there very much aware of what women go though every day and will not try to take the defensive on every story they hear.
— Amy (@amy_feels) 29 September 2018
But there were also many responses like this.
I wanted to say "thank you" for this thread. I have to admit, for me, it's like I'm reading about life on another planet, though. Because *every single time* I've let my guard down, there was ALWAYS a man there trying to take advantage. But it's good to know there are good men.->
— AvaSpeaksUp (@avaspeaksup) 29 September 2018
I'm sorry you've had that experience, though I understand it as well. much love to you
— maura quint (@behindyourback) 29 September 2018
thank you to everyone who reached out to me and who shared their stories on this thread. in case you want to share with someone off Twitter, Vox asked me to write this piece https://t.co/kS47xs4LD3
— maura quint (@behindyourback) 4 October 2018