Our 25 favourite funny jokes from this week
13.
After watching all of The Haunting Of Hill House I’m just gonna blame everything on ghosts from now on.
“Why haven’t you taken the bins out?”
“Ghosts”“Daddy, why didn’t you come to my school play?”
“Ghosts”“What’s that smell?”
“Ghosts”— joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 20, 2018
14.
[the day after I meet a genie]
boss: hey team, you can all leave five minutes early today
me: *loudly* oh wow so weird
— andrew (@AndrewChamings) October 20, 2018
15.
Knowing Ryanair, they’ll introduce a £12 fee for anyone wishing to sit at least three rows away from a racist.
— MostDeaf (@SnoozeActive) October 22, 2018
16.
Arsene Wenger, my God, the swag! He looks like a master assassin who’s reluctantly come out of retirement to kill John Wick. pic.twitter.com/i266HUqiSn
— Musa Okwonga (@Okwonga) October 21, 2018
17.
You know you were a nerd at High School when the only test you ever failed was the Turing.
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) October 20, 2018
18.
A headline that gets worse with practically every word pic.twitter.com/tBVIudZg9d
— Fraser Myers (@FraserMyers) October 22, 2018
19.
I wish I had a hat. pic.twitter.com/6LJuXcXCab
— trouteyes (@trouteyes) October 25, 2018
20.
Someone should say to Trump at a press conference: “What do you say to the fact that CNN flatly denies that you can be fired at the moon from a cannon?” That should sort it.
— @[email protected] (@mrchrisaddison) October 23, 2018
21.
I didn’t win the mega millions but I did just find a shopping cart without a piece of trash in it on the first try.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 25, 2018
22.
I made a meme about punctuation pic.twitter.com/2Dy2qGR3D2
— Clare Costello (@cemcostello) October 24, 2018
23.
you (dumb): my wife is a 10/10
me (an intellectual, can simplify fractions): your wife is a 1
— Ken Cheng (@kenchengcomedy) October 24, 2018
24.
https://twitter.com/roboticcrab/status/1055090328280141824
25.
Lady MacBeth hand sanitizer – we’ve reached peak merchandise! pic.twitter.com/QwCIXxzyCY
— Prof. Rebecca Finkel (@rafinkel) October 24, 2018
Remember to let us know if we’ve missed any of your favourites.