Just 25 of the funniest jokes from this week
13.
Me writing wine labels:
Rich and fruity flavour goes well with peanut m&m's and crying about where it all went wrong.
— Ruthe Ruiner (@RuthePhoenix) January 3, 2019
14.
https://twitter.com/j1mzor/status/1078800481219162112
15.
What do you get if you cross KD Lang with ABBA?
A constant craving for Nando's.
— 'COMEDY' PHIL SWALES (@philswales) January 2, 2019
16.
Mum's New Year's resolution is clearly to read more highbrow literature. pic.twitter.com/RgOWwqBrG3
— Claire Wetton (@wettster) January 2, 2019
17.
Jesus Christ would you look at the time pic.twitter.com/tb8Rqs81ic
— Anna Eila (@anna_eila) December 30, 2018
18.
Firing squad leader: Any last words?
Me: I'd like to thank my arms for always being by my side haha
Firing squad leader: ok we're gonna somehow try to kill you twice
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 3, 2019
19.
#MCILIV is trending. Manchester City and Liverpool have set football back nearly a thousand years
— Samuel West (@exitthelemming) January 3, 2019
20.
What 2019 has in store for you
libra – Happiness
aries – Happiness
taurus – Happiness
gemini – Happiness
cancer – Happiness
leo – Happiness
virgo – Happiness
scorpio – Herpes (fuck you Karen)
sagittarius – Happiness
capricorn – Happiness
aquarius – Happiness
pisces – Happiness— Wilde Thingy (@wildethingy) January 1, 2019
21.
Duolingo: “have you practiced yet you piece of shit”
— Summer Ray (@SummerRay) January 2, 2019
22.
What idiot called it ‘vegan non-dairy cream substitute’ and not Pseudocream
— James Kelleher (@etienneshrdlu) January 3, 2019
23.
Irish Film Classifications
G: Grand
PG: Mostly grand but sure you know yourself
12: Might be a bit of shifting
15: Shifting, implied riding, lads getting a box in the mouth, a few bad words
18: Riding, young wans in the nip, heads blew clean off, and the LANGUAGE out of them— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) December 31, 2018
24.
Got a 2nd pair of jeans before the 1st pair got a thigh-hole worn into them. Am I part of the 1%?
— Janine Brito (@janinebrito) January 4, 2019
25.
Nice to know somebody noticed… https://t.co/ZflIUIaMwM
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) January 1, 2019
Nicely done, Twitter people – nicely done.
