People are sharing the “greatest hits” of their profession – our 31 favourite clichés
Every profession and role has it’s jargon, its specific skills and its clichés – who can forget the I.T. Crowd guys with their go-to greeting, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Over on Twitter, people have been sharing the sentences that define their role, and they’re both hilarious and an eye opener.
These are the funniest.
1.
Hello, I’m a TV historian, you might know me from my greatest hits: “Yes, I do know Lucy Worsley”, “Actually, I probably earn less than you do”, and the high tempo banger “No, I can’t bring back Time Team!” https://t.co/EVM3JbpbPa
— Greg Jenner (@greg_jenner) January 19, 2019
2.
Hello, I'm an author. You may know me from my greatest hits, including: "No, not like J. K. Rowling", "exposure doesn't pay the bills,", and "I don't know, *have* you heard of me?" https://t.co/6Y7zo107bX
— Joanne Harris (@Joannechocolat) January 19, 2019
3.
Hello, I’m twitter’s gynecologist. You may know me from my greatest hits, “Don’t put that in there,” “vaginal jade eggs are a scam,” and “keep the coffee out of your rectum and in your cup.”
— Jennifer Gunter (@DrJenGunter) January 20, 2019
4.
Hi! I’m an ER doc. You might know me from my greatest hits including “how much have you had to drink tonight?” “Why weren’t you wearing your seatbelt/helmet?” And “what made you think your stubbed toe/toothache/runny nose was an emergency at 3 AM?” https://t.co/KkfcLbdTeo
— WheelERdoc (@realEDdoc) January 17, 2019
5.
https://twitter.com/reepRN/status/1085722139037233152
6.
Hi, I’m a city planner. You may know me from my greatest hits including, “No, your downtown DOESN’T need all that parking,” “Building housing for the homeless actually SAVES public money,” and “No Elon, digging more tunnels for cars under our cities WON’T solve congestion.” https://t.co/cavelHJnve
— Brent Toderian (@BrentToderian) January 21, 2019
7.
https://twitter.com/YourMomsucksTho/status/1085719841246531585
8.
Hi, I’m a geologist. You may know me from my greatest hits including, “No, the Earth is actually older than 6,000 years and we can prove it”, “No, dinosaurs weren’t possibly on the Ark”, and “Yes I’ve heard the story that the Earth is hollow and it’s batshit crazy”.
— Gneiss (@gneiss) January 20, 2019
9.
10.
Hello, I'm a primatologist, you might know me from my greatest hits including: "no I don't touch the animals", "no, you shouldn't touch the animals", and "just because it's cute it doesn't mean it won't rip your face right off if you try to keep it as a pet" https://t.co/8Or4RocpVb
— Dr Addy Lowe (@adriana_lowe) January 19, 2019
11.
Hi! I'm a statistician. You might know me from my greatest hits including “let’s talk about your research question”, “No, really let’s talk about your research question” and No. 1 hit: “can’t help you without a research question” https://t.co/ckq2SgK1ot
— Maarten van Smeden (@MaartenvSmeden) January 20, 2019
12.
Hello, I’m a Welsh speaker. You may know me from my greatest hits, including: “I dream in both”, “it actually has seven”, and “isn’t that word French anyway?” https://t.co/kobuQcOgQ3
— Esyllt Sears (@EsylltMair) January 20, 2019
13.
I’m an ex athlete. You may know me from my greatest hits ‘no, I’m not as skinny as I used to be’, and ‘yes they do have good make up artists on TV’
— Tanni Grey-Thompson (@Tanni_GT) January 19, 2019
14.
Hello, I'm an environmental activist. You may know me from my greatest hits including, "Dont build that there," "No, don't build it there either," and "We're all going to die in a ball of flame." Keep an eye out for my upcoming track, "I told you so." https://t.co/6qpX7vJN1c
— Patrick Donnelly (@bitterwaterblue) January 20, 2019
15.
Hi, I’m a rabbi. You might know me from some of my greatest hits like: “No, I don’t think God is an angry man in the sky either,” “I’m sure you’re a perfectly good Jew; I don’t care when you last went to synagogue,” and “Yes, that’s right, women can be rabbis now, uh-huh.” https://t.co/Nr89kViCUY
— Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg (@TheRaDR) January 20, 2019