Weird World

A 2016 article by Daniel Hannan seems like a devastating Brexit parody – but he was totally serious

Oonagh Keating. Updated March 27th, 2019

Daniel Hannan’s ridiculous takes are so fascinating, if he didn’t exist, we’d be tempted to invent him. Among the litany of Hannanian nonsense was his comment about Winston Churchill, which saw him face a public roasting.

He was a cheerleader for the racist and incompetent handling of the Windrush scandal.

Daniel Hannan also lead a call for the return of blue passports, even though we could already have had blue passports if we’d wanted.

Back in 2016, which was presumably the best year of his life, he wrote an article imagining a future in the UK after Brexit, and it has to be seen to be believed – or not believed, because it’s less credible than Gwyneth Paltrow’s Handy Book of Vagina Health, Fifty Shades of Grey fan fiction written by the Pope or pretty much anything from any of UKIP’s manifestos.

The opening paragraph sets a scene six years from now, in which the UK economy is thriving, its relationship with the EU is all sweetness and light, and the UK can afford to spaff money up the wall on a firework display for “Independence Day”.

He describes a country that has the brightest and the best and hasn’t lost over 218,000 jobs, and counting, as companies move to secure EU regions.

Well, would you look at that – not only is the UK now greater than ever, but the EU is in freefall because its lost *checks notes* a country that spent a year arguing with itself about an aspect of the Withdrawal Agreement its own negotiators had suggested.

Paragraph 4 – in which our hero demonstrates his uncanny ability to predict the future.

No, really, look closely – is this not exactly what happened after the referendum?

“Terms were agreed easily enough. Britain withdrew from the EU’s political structures and institutions, but kept its tariff-free arrangements in place.”

In Hannanland, the financial services market is thriving, presumably having brushed off the £750bn moved to other countries by concerned institutions. How very resilient this mythical UK seems to be.

Considering those far more informed on UK universities believe Brexit will decrease the amount of overseas students applying for courses, Daniel Hannan paints a very rosy picture of academic life in 2025. It’s almost as though he were basing this solely on magical thinking, rather than facts, but that can’t be the case – not Honest Hannan, surely!

Ah, yes. So many countries are clamouring for tips from Dominic Raab on how to get such a good deal that he barely has time to google himself and throw shade at James O’Brien for highlighting Hannan’s own words.

His conclusion was so cloyingly faux-patriotic, we could almost hear the strains of Land of Hope and Glory and see the Union Flag billowing behind him as he wrote these stirring words.

It’s so good to know that alongside the stockpiled body bags, we’ve also built up a store of self-belief, that we may not have enough insulin, but by God, we’ll have straight backs and as we tuck into our tinned peaches while the fresh stuff lies rotting in a lorry queue at Dover, we can sing our song.

H/T: Dmitry Grozoubinski
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Video courtesy of Hand-Made Films